[personal profile] rusty_halo
I went to a vegan Thanksgiving at my coworker's house last Thanksgiving (because I didn't feel comfortable with my parents, who make absolutely no effort to accomodate the fact that I'm vegan, and like to do thinks like wave animal body parts in my face).

But they were bugging me to come home (god knows why, as they always ignore me once I'm there), so I did. In the car on the way to my parents' house, my dad told me that my cat Shadow had died several days before Thanksgiving. Apparently she "looked sick," so my mom let her into the house, and then found her dead later.

When I asked why they didn't tell me she had died, I was told "your mother tried calling, but you didn't answer." (I highly doubt that she called right away--she should have called me the instant that Shadow looked sick!) And my parents know that my cell phone is turned off when I'm in class, and sometimes doesn't ring even when it's on. How is the fact that I didn't answer my phone the one time that they called a justification for not calling again and telling me as soon as possible that someone I loved was dead? They tried calling once and then waited several days, until I came home, and told me in the fucking car.

I know my mother. This was her passive-agressive way of punishing me for "ignoring" her. (Never mind that I NEVER heard the goddamn phone ring!) I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but I'm serious. This is how my mother is. She likes to punish me for not behaving the way she wants (she's always felt that I cared too much about the cats, and animals in general, and she's always hated Shadow because Shadows scares the birds away). And then she gets up on this self-righteous cross and tries to make me feel guilty for being selfish and immature and not being how she wants me to be.

I cried in the car with my dad for the half hour ride home. I stopped when I got home, because I didn't want to cry in front of my mother. I left as soon as I could. I could barely stand to look at her.

I realize now I should have told her how upset I was about Shadow. But honestly, I wasn't even able to even say Shadow's name out loud for weeks afterward. All I could think about was what did they do with her body? Did they bury her, or did they just throw her body on the trash heap? If they had buried her, wouldn't they have told me where her grave was? Was her body rotting right now? Were maggots crawling inside her? Was her fur rotting and falling out? How did it feel for her to die alone, with me, the only person who ever really loved her, miles and miles away? Why didn't I at least get to see her body and bury her and say goodbye to her? How could my parents take that away from me?

And even if I had told my mother about this, about how deeply this hurt me, would she have cared? I really don't think so. She would still have done what she wanted to do. My mother ignores everything I think and feel unless it's convenient for her. If I'm upset about something my father has done, well, that's clearly a serious important matter--because she can't stand my father and likes to hear her own viewpoint reinforced. But if I'm upset that she has gone in my room and rearranged my possessions--something that is, to me, a huge personal violation--it's irrelevant, and she'll do it again and again, self-righteously, and ignore how much it hurts me, and whine about how much I don't appreciate her. So in the end, I think even if she had known how I felt about Shadow, she wouldn't have cared. It wouldn't have made a difference. She would still have not told me that Vanilla was sick.

Vanilla was sick for two weeks and they didn't take her to the vet. She could have had something that was contagious and dangerous for the other cats. She could have had something that might have been easily cured. Maybe her death last week was inevitable, or maybe she could have lived to be twenty-five. No one will ever know.

She died near the end of last week--"the day your brother came home from college," which was either Wednesday or Thursday. I spoke to my brother that day shortly after he got home. Mom said Vanilla died an hour after he got home. She was right there dying as I talked to my dad and my brother and no one told me what was going on. Mom says she didn't tell me because I would have been upset (which is her being selfish and wanting to spare herself from having to deal with me upset) and because I would have wanted to take her to the vet. Mom never wants to pay the expense of taking the cats to the vet (I WOULD HAVE FUCKING PAID FOR IT!!). And she's tired of taking care of them. Sure, some part of her is sad, but another part is happy that she doesn't have to take care of Vanilla anymore. And she's happy that she didn't have to pay any kind of vet bill. For someone who was a member of our family for 17 years. For someone who trusted us to take care of her. They just let her die without doing anything because of money.

I called on Monday night after I got out of class--around 10pm. I talked to my mom for a half hour about nothing--my weekend, what's she been up to lately, etc. Finally as I was just about to get off the phone and get on the elevator to my apartment, she told me that Vanilla was dead. I started crying and asked her what happened. Then she explained the whole thing about how she was sick for two weeks and died last week, and that they didn't tell me because I'd have been upset and would have wanted to take her to the vet. I started sobbing and sobbing and choking and after ten minutes of "How could you???" and her petty excuses I couldn't speak and had to get off the phone. I ran up to my room and sobbed and screamed alone for a half hour. I've never been so upset or felt so intrinsically violated in my life. That was the last I spoke to my mom; no one's tried to contact me since.

The week Vanilla died, I was on spring break. I was re-reading books and reorganizing my bedroom, while a member of my family was dying. I could've so easily taken that week off of work and been with Vanilla. She needed me to comfort her. She deserved to know that I was there and that I cared and that I loved her. And I deserved to be there and to be able to comfort her and to be able to say goodbye to her.

No one who knew me the slightest bit or cared the slightest bit for me could have possibly made this choice. What my parents did was either the height of cruelty or the height of stupidity. They violated me to the deepest core of who I am. What they did is unforgivable.

If you can't tell, I'm a complete mess right now. This isn't getting better. I can't stop crying. I want to break things. I have my colloquium in two weeks and I should be studying for it and I can't concentrate on anything. All I can think about is that she's gone and I didn't get to see her and she died with these people who didn't care about her. And how could my parents do this????

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raskazzptitsa.livejournal.com
God, sweetie, I'm so sorry, and so horrified by how your parents acted. How people can be like that...just, christ. *hugs* I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sparkledark.livejournal.com
This made me cry just reading it. I can't even imagine how you must feel. I'm so so sorry :(

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kita0610.livejournal.com
I am so sorry.

I know I've said this before, but. What I haven't said is that I have had similar experiences with my parents, and pets.

If you wanna talk? Email me.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soundingsea.livejournal.com
*hugs* It's been three years since our kitty Sky died, and I still miss her. I'm really sorry to hear about Shadow and Vanilla. It's so hard. :|

Even though you and Vanilla didn't get to be together at the end, you know she knew you loved her.

As for your parents - *sigh* I don't even know where to begin. I've been in a really violated place with mine, and it took me years to talk to them civilly again. I wish you the best with that.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shipperx.livejournal.com
So sorry about your cat. It's horrible to lose a kitty you loved. When I was in college my cat died (at the age of 23) and my mom had to tell me over the phone. Nothing helps when a pet dies. You love your pet and you've lost someone you love. It hurts, especially when you don't get to see them. Being far away doesn't make it better. They are a member of your family and part of your heart.

So sorry for your loss.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magarettt.livejournal.com
So sorry, about Vanilla and Shadow, and about the way your parents are treating you.

You're in my thoughts. ::hugs::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] knotted-rose.livejournal.com
You have my deepest sympathies.

Our parents sound very similar I'm afraid. I know this is hard, particularly where you are now, in college, and not completely on your own yet. I stopped having screaming nightmares when I finally realized that I never had to depend on them for anything, ever again. While that might not help you currently, I hope it gives you some consolation for the future.

::big massive hugs::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darling-effect.livejournal.com
This just breaks my heart to hear. Nothing makes me angrier than people who have pets but refuse to take responsibility for caring for them properly. It's absolutely unconscionable to me that anyone could act this way, never mind your own parents. Add to this the fact that they didn't even take her to the vet...! I'm working myself into a froth —I'd better stop before I start slandering your parents.

If something happened to any of my cats and my mother didn't tell me about it immediately, I don't think I'd ever forgive her either. Truly. I don't think this is an overreaction at all. Someone you loved very deeply has died, and they just don't seem to understand.

I am so sorry for your loss. ::hugs::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] txvoodoo.livejournal.com
I can so relate. My mom does this to me with family members. My aunt died in 96, and she told me after the funeral. To "spare me the expense" of flying there. So I didn't get to do any of the closure things.

And right now, my other aunt's in the hospital, and I've left my mom 3 messages today to give me info, and nada.

I swear, I think it's a narcissitic thing. If attention is going to be going to them, it's fine, but if it's elsewhere, it's not.

We can't pick our family.....

*Hugs*

Date: 2004-03-25 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chenanceou.livejournal.com
You're grieving for somebody you loved and, unfortunately, it has been made worse by the way your parents acted. I'm so sorry you are going through the needless extra pain, Laura. If at least they had taken Vanilla to the vet, you would have known they had tried to do something. Death is part of life, as sad as it is - but to know nobody did a thing? Oh, hon. It's no surprise it's so painful.

I wish I could do something or say something that would make it easier for you. Take some of the hurt away. I also know that sometimes you just need to go through the crap - trust me I'm in the process at the present myself.

As it is, I can offer hugs, understanding and good thoughts.
Take care of yourself and remember you don't choose your family, but you do choose your friends. In a way my friends are my family. You have some really cool ones - we are here for you.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] carolyn-claire.livejournal.com
Your heartbreak over your beloved Vanilla is real, and valid, and beyond your parents' understanding. They're not the kind of people who could feel that way about a pet. And, honey, they're not the kind of people who can feel the way they should about you, either. They're too bound up in their own issues to be there the way you need them to, and that's probably not ever going to change (unless they get a clue when they're elderly and in need, which sometimes happens.) This pain you're feeling is as much about their betrayal of you as your loss, though it sounds like that pain is piggybacking on the loss and intesifying it, making you obsess. It's so hard to get past because how they treat you is so hard to get past--it's bad, it's wrong, and it doesn't end. Please think about talking to a professional about this. You need to hear someone objective who knows the details of your life and your parents' behavior tell you that you're right and they're wrong, that you've deserved better, that you've been cheated. And then you need to talk to them about how to deal with that--giving up, soul-deep, on the idea that they'll ever be what you need them to be. That's a huge thing--I've been there, I know. You need to be taken care of, sweetheart. Get someone to help you do that. ::hugs you hard::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/cheshire_cat_/
I am so sorry sweetie. I cried just reading about this. One of the worst things is losing a pet and not being able to control it. It sucks that you don't get to say goodbye when things like this happen. I had a sort of similar experience 2 years ago when my dog died.

2 days before my birthday my parents decided to put my dog, who I had grown up with, to sleep without telling me. I couldn't believe that they would do that without letting me be there to comfort her while she was dying. They used the "Oh, you were at school" excuse, and that only pissed me off. I still hold a small grudge against them to this day for that.

I really hope that you feel better. ::hugs::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:31 pm (UTC)
ext_6368: cherry blossoms on a tree -- with my fandom name "EntreNous" on it (Default)
From: [identity profile] entrenous88.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and sorrier to hear the way the situation was dealt with without your knowledge.

Wishing you some measure of comfort and peace in the weeks ahead. Take care of yourself.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] itsabigrock.livejournal.com
I have very few words of comfort I'm afraid because my Angel has only been dead a couple of weeks now and I'm still on the verge of tears almost all day because the house is so empty with the kids gone for spring break and him gone too. People can be so heartless when it comes to animals, and people who refuse to take their animals to the vet for even the big things are just beyond frustrating.

Please just know that there are people thinking about you and hoping you will find a way to grieve.

Kisses!

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elizard100.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Just thinking about it made me pick up my cat and give him a big hug. I feel badly for people who can't love animals. They're missing out on so much.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] queenofattolia.livejournal.com
And how could my parents do this????

I don't know. It's obvious that they don't regard animals as friends and family members and are oblivious to the fact that you do.

It's funny; it took me years to realize that just because someone is a blood relation doesn't mean you'll have any real understanding of each other. Also, sometimes the only way to real self-preservation and self-actualization is to cut off any contact with toxic family members. You didn't choose your parents, and now that you're an adult, you really don't owe them anything, especially if they don't treat you with the respect, attention and love they demand for themselves.

I know you're angry and hurting, and I don't blame you. I would be too. To be casually told long after the fact about the deaths of your beloved pets is the height of insensitivity and callousness. You're not wrong to feel the way you do.

When you get over this first awful stage of grief, please don't blame yourself for anything. And think seriously about this: sometimes the families we create for ourselves, out of friends and lovers and animals, prove to be far healthier and more loving than the ones into which we were born. There's no shame in it, and often it's a blessed relief.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irfikos.livejournal.com
fuck.

i could say more, but that pretty much sums it up.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com
It's an appropriate word.

I'm trying to get my two living cats away from there and bring them here asap. It's complicated by the fact that they live a half hour from the train station and there is no public transportation. I don't want to talk to my parents or see them, and I'd really like to get the cats away without them knowing. I want them to feel just a tiny bit of what I felt, not getting to say goodbye (not like they'll really care anyway, but it'll make me feel a bit better).

Not sure how I'm going to pull it off, but they're obviously not safe there. I need to get them here.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 05:58 am (UTC)
ext_12691: (Default)
From: [identity profile] 10zlaine.livejournal.com
I can help you do this. Just let me know if you need any help with that.

I'm dead serious.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 08:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com
Thanks, Tammy. That means a lot.

This is all so complicated. I wish I had a car.

My plan right now is to take the train tomorrow afternoon from NYC to New Brunswick, NJ. Ingrid said she'd go with me. My high school friend Mike, who lives in the area, agreed to pick us up at the train station and drive us the half hour drive to my parents' house.

My parents are probably going to be home and I don't want a confrontation. (And right now I don't ever want to see them again and I can't stand the thought of looking at them or listening to their pathetic excuses and accusations about how this is all my fault.) So I'm going to try to sneak in and get the cats without interacting with them. Not sure how likely this is--depends where they are and where the cats are. Hopefully having Ingrid and Mike there will defuse the situation...

Then Mike will drive me and Ingrid with the cats back to the train station, and Ingrid will help me carry the cats. (They're heavy).

There's so much that could go wrong (if Ingrid's late for the train, or if Mike doesn't show up at the train station--he's one of the most irresponsible people I know but the only person I could find to do this, if my parents try to force a confrontation, etc.) I'm kind of terrified. But maybe it will be okay. I need to get them here and know that they are safe.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-27 02:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irfikos.livejournal.com
i hope it works out for you.

where i come from, nobody takes their pets to the vet. our family was different only in the fact that when it was freezing outside, we would let the dogs into the garage. still, when trips to the doctor for us kids was a luxury, trips to the vet for the pets were a bizarre extravagance necessitated only by the incessant begging of a certain little girl who shall remain nameless. mostly, we would vaccinate our pets but that was the extent of it. i look back in horror at what the animals in our neighborhood actually went through. let's just say that most of the neighbor kids had a new crop of pets each month.

i think a lot of people grow up believing that animals can take care of themselves. they don't realize that we humans have domesticated these creatures and made them reliant on us. there are a lot of people out there who are just ignorant about even the most basic concepts of pet care. not because they're technically cruel, but because they've never thought about it before.

like: dogs and cats can live outside without any shelter because they have fur coats. when people say this (as my brother did yet again just recently) i want to throw them outside wearing nothing but a fur coat and not allowing them any kind of shelter and seeing how well THEY do for the winter.

people can't seem to make the connection between "a human gets sick and doesn't seem to get any better, therefore that person needs medical attention" and "an animal gets sick and doesn't seem to get any better, therefore that animal needs medical attention."

because animals are allegedly part of "nature" (as if humans aren't) and therefore the animal's well-being is left up to nature. which just doesn't fly very well when we cut off an animal from nature as we have domesticated animals.

so...

yeah.

grr.

some people just. don't. get it. and therefore i think people should have to take a class/pass a test to be allowed the PRIVILEGE (not the RIGHT) to have an animal companion. and to fend off any objections to this opinion, i feel the same way for people who plan to make babies.

/rambling rant du jour

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nmissi.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry about your pet. I know it's horrible and you miss her. But I really can't imagine your mother didn't feel anything for her when she was dying. You can't live with an animal so many years and not feel attachment to it.

As for the vet, she may not have realised how sick the cat was, may not have really realised she was dying. I know, she is being a complete cow about the whole thing- but she may very well be grieving too- and compounding that grief with "what if I'd done something different?" guilt. People are not always rational at such times, and they don't always speak wisely when they're emotional.

I think you should talk to her about it, how you feel, but make sure you allow for her to express her grief as well. If you go in on the attack, she will automatically be defensive in response. Maybe you two could grieve the loss together, and have a better relationship for it.

Honey, I honestly cannot believe for a minute that a woman who gave birth to someone as sensitive as you are can be so lacking in compassion as you think she is. She lived with that cat as a member of her family for more than a decade- she loved it too. She had to.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 10:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wickedprincess3.livejournal.com
Uhhhhg I have no words I'm just so very sorry that you're going through this. I wish there was something I could say. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 10:31 pm (UTC)
ext_10190: Doctor Who's Rose smiling (Default)
From: [identity profile] bailunrui.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry for both of your losses. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 10:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rubywisp.livejournal.com
Oh, I'm so sorry this happened to you and to your darling Vanilla. You both deserved better. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-25 10:58 pm (UTC)
shaddyr: (Default)
From: [personal profile] shaddyr
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Laura.

::hugs you::

And I'm sorry to hear that your parents were so insensitive and thoughtless. I wish there was something I could do or say.

I'm with [livejournal.com profile] irfikos on this one. Fuck.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaydk.livejournal.com
I'm very sorry you're feeling so badly. Hang in there -- I hope you're feeling better soon. Give me a call if you want to talk.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com
Thanks, Jane. I sent you an email but I just realized it went to your work email so you won't see it until tomorrow.

I've been hesitant to call you because I'm such a mess right now, and I don't want to drag you into my problems. I would feel really guilty making you listen to me whine... does that make sense? I really appreciate knowing that you are there, though.

Maybe we could go to a movie or have a movie night or something, do something distracting, so that we could spend some time together without me dragging you down. Not that I'd be great company or anything....

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 11:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] queenofthorns.livejournal.com
Hey, sweetie! I've been off LJ for a couple of days, so I just read about this, but I'll second Jane's invitation - would you like to do something next week maybe? And I know it's awful when a beloved pet dies (and I always want to smack all the people who are all 'it's only a dog/cat/whatever') - especially if you're not even around. But at some point, try and take comfort in the fact that your lovely kitties DID have someone in their lives who loved and took care of them and it sounds like they had very long and happy lives.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 01:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paratti.livejournal.com
That's absolutely awful, Laura. ::Hugs you hard::
Losing pets is losing a being that you love. I still miss my dog and it's been years, and I got the comfort of her opening my bedroom door to say goodbye on her last night, even if I didn't know my parents were having her put down.
I know how difficult it is to deal with the passive-aggressive shit - my mother pulls it all the time too. But don't let her win by doubting your right to your own indignation. Carry on being your wonderful self, and good luck with getting the surviving cats out of there.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ascian3.livejournal.com
That's fucking awful. :-\ I'm so sorry for Shadow, and for Vanilla, and I hope you can get your other cats away safely to where they'll be loved and taken care of.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 04:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wesleysgirl.livejournal.com
*Hugs you very tightly*

I'm so sorry. You're completely justified in your feelings of betrayal and hurt -- not that feelings need justification, because they just ARE, but in this case I think a lot of people would feel the way you do. It's your parent's loss that they are incapable of seeing the value of loving, and it's awful that their shortcomings ended up meaning that you were hurt, and that your lovely cats died.

*More hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 05:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chrisjournal.livejournal.com
*hugs you*

I wish I could offer something other than sympathy. This happened to me during college, too. I don't think there was any passive aggression involved on mom's part, it was more that she *knew* how much it would upset me, and didn't want it to throw me off. I arrived home for Xmas break to find that Schmoo was gone. It left me numb for days before I really let loose. And it was weeks and weeks before I could forgive her, my sister (still at home at the time), and my grandmother for hiding it from me. And it took the better part of a month before I could feel 'normal' again. Still sad, but more myself. It sounds like your trauma is much worse because of Shadow and the way your mom (doesn't) communicate. Give yourself time and space to deal with it. And honestly? Double-digit years later, I still ache a bit for Schmoo. He was old, and he had a good life, but I missed him then and I miss him now.

When we lose a pet, it hurts just as much as losing a good friend or family member. Let yourself grieve. Find a safe place to scream, something safe to beat to pieces (I like to rip up cardboard boxes...weird, but effective stress management).

You're not weird or abnormal or overly sensitive -- you just care.

And we care about you, too. Talk to Kita. Talk to us. Just don't squash it inside and let it fester.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 05:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yin-again.livejournal.com
Oh, Laura - that's just so very awful. I can't tell you how much my heart is hurting for you right now. I hope you're able to find some peace. Please don't think that Vanilla didn't know how much you loved her, because she did.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 06:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redeem147.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 06:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lonners.livejournal.com
To some people in this world, pets are just animals. Other people have pets that are family. You lost two family members in a short period of time and cannot expect to "get over" it soon. Avoid the parents, get the cats, and if you want to cry, scream, and yell - then we will with you. hugs and prayers!

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 06:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] janedavitt.livejournal.com
That's so cruel and thoughtless of them. Of course you'd have wanted to be there, to say goodbye. I'm so angry on your behalf and so sad.

I know what it's like to lose cats - family - and not be there, but it was never like that, never hidden from me. That's just awful.

::hugs you::

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 06:49 am (UTC)
ext_12691: (Default)
From: [identity profile] 10zlaine.livejournal.com
Please don't feel like you are alone, or that this is the worst part of you, because there is nothing bad or odd about this at all. And you shouldn't feel badly about the way you feel toward your parents. One of the most difficult things to learn in life is that it is OK to feel this way about them, and to a larger extent, family/kin. Most people never feel that way--they can't understand how you can turn your back on family--and they continue to let family walk all over them. I'm pretty much of the opinion that blood doesn't matter, it is all about who you are as a person. Sure there is loyalty, but my being related to you doesn't automatically grant that.

And I know this sounds outrageous, but if you ever need to get the hell away from "it all", you can always head here for a few days. sometimes it's nice to go totally away.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] claudia-yvr.livejournal.com
Honour the memory of Shadow and Vanilla by getting their siblings out of there as soon as possible. Living creatures require love and attention, and it doesn't sound like your parents are capable of giving either.

{{{Laura}}}

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 09:09 am (UTC)
ext_16115: (Default)
From: [identity profile] thefangirl.livejournal.com
You're completed entitled to feel all the emotions you're feeling. The whole you can pick your friends but not your family is very true. And while you can love them, nothing says you have to like them or their actions. God knows, I love my older sister but as a person, she's just not good. So feel what you feel and don't think any less of yourself for your anger towards them.

And hey, we're going to get the kitties and give them a train ride to the city. Shame,Tammy doesn't live closer, she would have pulled them out the moment you posted.

mega hugs and I'll see you tomorrow for Kitty Rescue.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 09:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, Ingrid. It means so, so much to me that you're helping me with this. *huuuge* hugs and I'll see you tomorrow.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 10:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rockgoddes.livejournal.com
It is not the worst of you to be in pain and to feel anger and resentment and betrayal here. How can it be the worst of you to feel those things when such a horrible thing has been done to you? Stop judging yourself and just feel your grief without any guilt attached. You were wronged. Period.

I wish I could be there to help you rescue your remaining cats...but if there's a confrontation with your parents, don't back down. Simply tell them you're there to make sure what happened to Vanilla and Shadow don't happen to them, take the cats and go. Don't get into a shouting war or anyting of the sort, just get them and go. They'll probably be relieved that you're taking them away so they don't have to spend any more money on them. [shudders in disgust]

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 12:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gobi-rex.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry about your kitties and about your parents, Laura.

[hugs]

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 01:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] db2305.livejournal.com
{{{{hugs}}}}

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-26 02:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_dellamore/
God, I'm so fucking sorry. I just skipped out of school on Wednesday so that I could be with my cat while he was euthanized, and it's a million times more painful than I'd ever thought possible.

It's unspeakably terrible that your parents did that; my heart goes out to you and both of your poor kitties.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-27 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] valancy.livejournal.com
*hugs*

I wouldn't know what to do if one of my kittens died. They'll always be my kittens, even though Empress has trouble jumping now. I'm so terribly sorry. You have every right to grieve.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-03-28 12:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deborahc.livejournal.com
I am so sorry to hear about how Shadow and Vanilla died.

Knock-wood, my immediate family are all alive and I have never yet suffered the loss of a person really close to me. Actually, I thought I had when I lost a dear friend to AIDS a number of years ago. But I can tell you that I have only experienced true mourning; gut wrenching-sobbing-prolonged grief for my cats, as each died. So, I can well understand the depth of your grief. That it has to be compounded by the terrible circumstances you described involving your family's - particularly your mother's - failure to get them medical attention or let you know what was happening is even more awful.

I am sorrier than I can express.

I don't know if you'd be interested but when I lost one of my cats I stumbled on some pet memorial websites when I was looking for some inspiring words to inscribe on the plaque of my baby's urn. People can post tributes to their deceased pets along with their pictures. Some were very moving. Anyway, I posted a my little guy's story at one (not a photo though, I don't have the means) and I felt a bit better. Of course, you've already vented here so maybe you really don't need to that. But just in case you are interested let me know and I'll send you the link.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-04-01 02:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1771: Joe Flanigan looking A-Dorable. (Default)
From: [identity profile] monanotlisa.livejournal.com
I'm sorry, Laura-- betr it is this strange and aggravating parental habit of making decisions for you, not with you, the worst thing parents can do instead of letting you chose your own path (without then complaining passively or aggressively).
::hugs::

parents

Date: 2004-04-12 03:32 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I know I'm late with this comment, but very sorry to hear about your cats, and yes, parents can be bastards - my mother is an evil bitch monster of death, and I've given up giving her chances to be better - its unfair, but some of us just have to accept that those who spawned us don't deserve us.
I hope your rescue attempt was successful.
Trepkos

rusty-halo.com

I blog about fannish things. Busy with work so don't update often. Mirrored at rusty-halo.com.

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