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* Vegan Drinks is tonight in the East Village. If you’re in NYC and want to get drunk with a bunch of vegans, here’s your chance.

* Den of Geek: 10 ways to make sure Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 gets it right. I like #9: “Cast Robert Downey Jr as something.” Have I mentioned recently how happy I am that he’s popular again? Plus, RDJ and Johnny Depp in the same movie would be the best thing ever.

* I’m thinking about the Master of Science in Internet Technology degree at Pace University. I could do it online and it doesn’t have any horrible prerequisites, and it would certainly be a good thing to have on my resume. I’m really annoyed that I can’t find any unbiased third-party information, reviews, or rankings about the program, though. Plus it’s expensive and I don’t know if I’ll have time for it next year between full-time work, SuperVegan, and Writercon. Hmm.

* Speaking of Writercon, we should have an announcement soon. Please cross your fingers!

Current Mood: busy emoticon busy

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I had this very disturbing dream last night that all the dogs of the world were rising up and taking control over their human masters.

The last part was me and my brother in this creepy old haunted house in the middle of a foggy night with a full moon. As we looked out the window we saw this huge pack of dogs overwhelm and devour a man who was running toward the house.

My brother ran into the other room to call the police, leaving me in the main room as the dogs swarmed into the house. I stood on the couch and tried to re-establish dominance by yelling at them very loudly. Then I woke up, probably right before I would've gotten killed by a pack of rebellious dogs.

*sigh*

I think this dream was inspired by the fact that my cats were acting insane yesterday. They refused to let me sleep for more than a half hour straight--they were constantly fighting with each other, jumping on the bed, climbing on me, biting my head, and so on. Gee, I wonder why I'd have a dream about domestic animals completely taking over their humans' lives...

Of course, they're fine when I'm petting them or playing with them; it's just when I try to do anything else that they get upset....

Aside from the cats being evil, things are going well.

- I got my final grades for this semester: two A- and one A. This brings my cumulative GPA to 3.506 which means I graduate with honors.

- For a graduation gift, my boss is paying my admission fee for an upcoming Buffy con. He came up with this himself. How cool is it that I work with people from whom I don't have to hide my interests?

- I have free time! Work during the day, yes, but the evenings are mine. (Well, mine and my cats'....)

- [livejournal.com profile] wiseacress let me archive "Beggars Would Ride." I've been bugging her about this forever. (It's a great story; check it out.)

- [livejournal.com profile] drujan is flying to Vegas with me for Writercon. We're arriving Tuesday night and leaving Monday night. (We're staying together early in the week; then I'm going to stay with my Writercon roommates since [livejournal.com profile] drujan isn't actually interested in the con.)

- Did I mention I'm done with school forever?
I just handed in my last academic paper (ever?).

Assuming all goes well (which it should *knock on wood*), this is it. All classes are over, this was the last bit of academic work required to graduate.

This feels so weird. Like, my entire life has been leading up to this moment. I didn't exactly choose it, I didn't exactly want it (though I also couldn't think of any more preferable option), but here I am, I've achieved it. College graduation. What an incredible relief that this is over.

I'm a bit sad, which surprises me. I felt nothing but a sort of bitter joy at having escaped high school alive; I still feel no nostalgia for that nightmarish hell. But I actually started to appreciate college a bit near the end, maybe about 2/3 of the way through. I'll never like homework or papers or grades, but once I found the kinds of classes that suited my personality--cultural studies, gender studies--I saw the point. I appreciated the insights and the need for them and I felt like I grew as a person because of those classes.

I sort of wish I could've done it over again knowing what I know now; I spent at least the first half of college floating around totally lost, without a clue what I wanted to study or where I fit in. By the time I finally found it, it seems like I barely had time to skim the surface.

But anyway. It's over and done with now and man, am I relieved!

I spent the weekend in something of a daze: all my finals this year were papers, all were long, and all were due within the same period of time. So this weekend I wrote:

- 12 pages on the construction of masculinity in Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy and its relationship to the cultural changes of the 1960s in America (due Monday 5/3)
- 6 pages on the theme of objectification in Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale and its relation to the academic study of history (due Monday 5/3)
- 12 pages on the relationships between dominant culture, subculture, and family in Joel Schumacher's The Lost Boys (due Wednesday 5/5)

I just returned from handing the last paper in. That's 30 pages in about four days. It was all done very last minute because I had other work to finish up the week before. That also means I've barely slept in the past four days: I was up 36 hours, from Sunday morning to Monday night, slept for about eight hours, then got up again Tuesday morning and have been awake until now (Wednesday afternoon). And now I'm at work trying to catch up because I missed Monday. Man, I can't wait to go home and sleep.

This is a babbling, nonsensical post; I offer exhaustion as an excuse.

I wish I had something related to the Spike-verse to say. Unfortunately it has utterly failed to hold my attention; the little time I've had to devote to fandom lately has been toward Methos. I really wish I could keep my attention on Spike; I love the community that surrounds this fandom. I want to continue to be a part of it. But, well, there's just nothing that Mutant Enemy could do that would make me want to watch--or even think about--their product. I'll spare you the anti-ME rant; if you read my journal you know how I feel about their ideology. I know now that there's nothing there for me and never will be. Thinking about it just makes me angry and sad.

I'd much prefer to think about Methos and Jaime Lannister, whose creators appreciated the value of an ambiguous character and the value of free will, the ability of the individual to change. [livejournal.com profile] drujan and I went to see Hellboy the other weekend and though I didn't particularly enjoy the film, we both loved the theme that it doesn't matter how you start out, you don't have some essential essence; you have choice, you decide who you are, no one else does. Methos and Jaime both embody that; anything that ME creates embodies the opposite: the triumph of fate, inability to escape destiny, essentialism, ultimate lack of choice. (Don't argue; if you feel differently, good, enjoy yourself, you're not going to convince me.)

I bought the DVDs for Highlander seasons four and five (graduation gift to self, shut up frugal conscience) and I love them. am I still talking about Highlander??? Okay, I think the thesis here is something like 'Kronos is an essentialist and Methos is a social constructionist'.... oh, shut up. Long Highlander mini-essay. )

Woo hoo!

Apr. 6th, 2004 12:52 pm
I PASSED MY COLLOQUIUM. :)

I think this is the most immense sense of relief I've ever felt in my life.

Afterwards my professors told me "This was one of the best colloquiums we've seen. We no longer give graduation distinctions for exceptional colloquiums, but if we did, you would definitely get a distinction." They said that I should speak about academic issues professionally because I integrate everything really well in a "non-pretentious" way. And then my advisor held me back after the others left to encourage me to go to graduate school. (!!!)

I can't believe it went so well. I was SO nervous that I didn't sleep at all last night, so I was (and am) running on pure caffeine. I hadn't even come close to reading everything I wanted to read/re-read in prepraration. I was so scared that I was going to fail.

the boring academic details )
I have no internet access at home. It's so depressing. Stupid Time Warner Cable. Someone is coming to fix it on Tuesday, but until then I can only get online from work. (During which time I should really be, y'know, working.) So no fic reading and no website updates until next week. (It's sort of like being in solitary confinement, cut off from the world...) I'm very pissed off, but there's nothing I can do about it.

I handed in my last midterm yesterday. Six pages on the construction of gender in Dr. No (the first James Bond movie).

I realized that this could very well be the last midterm that I take in my life, ever. This is my last semester as an undergraduate, so if I don't continue school, this is it. Woo hoo!

It's also spring break. I have to work all week, but it's still nice to have a break from school. :)

With no internet I found myself re-reading George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series. Actually, I just re-read the Jaime Lannister chapters of A Storm of Swords a couple of times. I love, love, love Jaime Lannister. (And without fic, I need *something* to fill up my brain.) So for the two people who might care, look for a long post about that later. (Probably much later, since I'll have to write it at home and don't know when I'm getting the internet back.)

If you need to get in touch about anything, write to me before 6PM ET today--after that I'll be cut off for at least the weekend. :(
This week has just sucked. And it's only Tuesday. Damn. I'm ready for the week to be over now.

I'm terribly worried about [livejournal.com profile] jodyorjen, of course. (Go here if you haven't yet. And, Jen, if you're out there, please get in touch with one of us. Non-judgemental support, I promise.)

I've also been stressed with midterms. Took one today, which I think went okay. Two more on Thursday--papers, so I need to start writing them now. (God, I hate papers. With an exam, you go take it and it's over. With papers, you have hours and hours and hours to agonize over them.)

Also, it would make me insanely happy to never hear my roommate and her boyfriend having sex ever again. He's been over something like every other night, or at least once every three nights. She giggles loudly during sex, and he snores, and they get up at 6am and are loud. In other circumstances, I'd talk to her about this, but I can't take the risk of her moving out. Right now I can't afford even two weeks with no roommate. My rent is insane. (And no, my apartment isn't that nice. But it's in a safe part of the East Village and it costs lots of money to live here, even in a tiny apartment. And I'm not willing to leave--this is my favorite place in the world.)

I have been living on coffee. The first thing I do at work is make coffee. The first thing I think on weekends is "No work; how am I going to get coffee?" Should really buy some to make at home, I suppose. I've been drinking so much coffee that I have a hard time falling asleep, even though I usually only get about four hours of sleep per night. I know I should cut back--after midterms.

I haven't been on LJ or updated my website much lately, because I'm busy with school. I'll try to do more soon--next week is spring break. (Though I really should spend it studying for my colloquium, which will be on April 6. *panic*)

I haven't been talking about fandom stuff, because I have nothing really to say. I'm not passionately interested in Spike anymore--I'm just waiting for my next obsession to come along. (Although, speaking of fandom stuff, I strongly recommend [livejournal.com profile] indri's new fic, Descent, which is brilliant).

Anyone going to see Eric Kufs from Common Rotation at the Bitter End on Friday? I'm going, just to hang out, and a group of us will go out to dinner afterwards. Hope to see people there.

Back to paper writing.

Babbling

Feb. 20th, 2004 01:20 am
Psst ...

Note to [livejournal.com profile] drujan: You must go read [livejournal.com profile] thedeadlyhook's LJ. You will love her perceptive commentary on the Buffyverse, particularly on Buffy. She's also the one who wrote those wonderful reviews at Just Stake Me.

Note to [livejournal.com profile] soulmate815: The wonderful Spike & Joyce story I was telling you about is DeNile by [livejournal.com profile] indri. (If anyone else out there hasn't read this one yet, go read it! It's one of my favorite stories ever.)

Yesterday I bought 20 postcards at a gift shop near me ($.35 each) and spent two hours writing notes on all of them, to various people at Fox, ME, UPN, TNT, and certain media outlets. Just need to get postcard stamps tomorrow and I'm set. Now, c'mon everyone, you too. Just pick up some postcards; you'll find addresses here among many other places.

I bought my ticket to the Creation Buffy/Angel con in Jersey in March. Looking forward to seeing [livejournal.com profile] rockgoddes and [livejournal.com profile] redeem147 and others there. :)

To do:
Figure out if I'm going to Toronto Trek or not
(If so) figure out Toronto Trek hotel room/roommate situation
(If so) get Toronto Trek plane tickets

Figure out how long I want to stay in Vegas
Reserve WriterCon hotel room
Find WriterCon roommates
Get WriterCon plane tickets

I think [livejournal.com profile] jaydk is going to handle our DragonCon hotel and airfare, but I must check with her about it.

I spent four hours tonight in the most boring class ever. We watched this movie that was so boring I couldn't *stand* it. I started braiding strands of my hair into little braids, and then braiding the little braids into bigger braids, because I couldn't sit still.

I forget the name of the movie; it was from 1969 and was about a psychologist who talks crazy women into having sex with him (or not) and films it all with a hidden camera. All you see is clips from the hidden camera. Mostly it's these weird women jumping around naked and screeching, and lots of really irritating pretentious selfish people talking about nothing.

Sudden change of topic...

So, let's review:

Action: Giles and Jenny start to get back together after a period of separation
Result: Jenny dies horribly

Action: Angel gets his soul back, reunites with Buffy, she tells him she loves him
Result: Angel dies horribly

Action: Joyce's romantic life starts to pick up, she gets flowers from a suitor
Result: Joyce dies

Action: Tara and Willow have a happy reunion after months of separation
Result: Tara dies horribly

Action: Buffy finally admits to Spike that she loves him
Result: Spike dies horribly

AtS S5 spoilers )

As much as I admit that Joss Whedon's shows are some of the best on television, he's got his own formula and it's pretty damn predictable.

I also sort of wonder what this means. People start to get together romantically, and misery ensues. Is it a negative comment on romance? Sex = death?

Or is just a way to drive the knife in as deeply as possible, make it hurt extra when the person dies because we see how much promise their life had? Which is kind of disturbing on a couple of levels. First, the implication that a death isn't quite so meaningful if the person's life wasn't full of promise when the person died. Second that romantic love = your life's potential. Romance gives life meaning? Why does romance signify happiness/potential?

The only time I can remember significant death where this didn't happen was with Jonathan and Anya. (Though it's debatable whether the writers even considered Anya's death significant. And she does get back with Xander shortly before, but that's not her big poignant moment, which is her realization about humanity blah blah blah.) In their cases, we saw how much they'd grown as people, and that's what made their deaths hurt so much. I like that method better, though, because the poignance is emphasized by showing who they are and how they've grown as individuals, not just because they're romantically involved with someone.

Meh. I'm just babbling because I'm tired, and it's too much effort to go get ready for bed, and I really ought to update my website before I go to sleep ...

Speaking of which, visits to my site went *way* up this week. I guess it's the Angel cancellation publicity? *cries*

And speaking of that, there are big ads for "One Tree Hill" and "Smallville" all over my neighborhood, and all over the NYU area. No ads for "Angel," though. Gee, maybe the *lack of promotion* could have something to do with that show's comparitively smaller ratings?

And speaking of Smallville, could that show possibly be any more lame? I retract every nice thing I've said about it. The last few episodes have been like bad after school specials. I love Lex, and Lionel, but the minimal time they get is so not worth it.

Totally random topic change again...

Oh, hey, check it out. My dad sent me pictures of my babies cats. Aren't they wonderful? The white one is Vanilla, who is 18 years old and very bossy. The striped one is Angel (named before the TV character existed!) who my dad calls "Penny" and everyone else calls "The Devil Cat." She is insane. Lucifer, the youngest, isn't pictured, because he thinks he's dog and the others wouldn't deign to let him hang out with them.

Angel and Vanilla )

We had a conversation at work the other day which reminded me what a freak I am. We're writing this book about our favorite vegan products (don't ask, it's not my idea) and we have to all write something about whatever products we like. I suggested that we all write down our ideas privately, in a database-like thing, and then we can reply to each other, sort of like LJ comments. Converse in writing. Everyone else said, no, let's just have a meeting, talk out loud, and someone can transcribe it.

That idea is horrible to me. I would do sooo much better writing on my own than talking in person. In person I'm quiet and inarticulate and totally unable to communicate well. In writing I'm so much more able to say what I mean. (Not that I'm great in writing, but much much better than in person.)

Which reminds me that my colloquium is coming up. Oh, god, panic. boring school stuff )

Now. Must find something to archive before bed.... Oh, I know! Doyle said I could archive her secret slasha fic. Okay ... off to archive.
What I liked in this week's Angel episode:

Read more... )

Otherwise, I thought it was lame, lame, lame. I'd go into a rant about why, but frankly, I don't care enough to bother.

So anyway, last night was fun. I had dinner with [livejournal.com profile] drujan and [livejournal.com profile] soulmate815, then we came to my place and watched the end of "Smallville" and all of "Angel." [livejournal.com profile] jaydk joined us for Angel, then we hung out for a bit.

Then [livejournal.com profile] soulmate815 and I went to see Common Rotation, the band that Adam Busch (who played Warren) is a member of. I realized that I'm really starting to like them. They are adamantly not my kind of music (I like industrial, goth, electronic, metal, heavy kind of stuff, and Common Rotation is like ... folk/country/pop). But they put on a very entertaining show, they're quite charismatic, their songs are written well and they perform well, and their lyrics are fun and smart. I particularly like the vocal harmonies--the alternating/joining singers sort of reminds me of Alice in Chains' acoustic stuff.

Then I had to come home and write two papers, which was so not fun. I got about three hours of sleep in between paper-writing; luckily I didn't have class until 3pm. Didn't get out of class until 10pm, so now I'm going to try to catch up on my LJ friends list, hopefully find time to update my website, and then get a bit of sleep.
Just took my last final exam.

Finals are over!!!!!!

:)
I was up all night writing a final paper. No fun. Now I have to work all day ... I'm zombie Laura. Drinking lots of coffee. (And I can't even go home and sleep tonight, because I have to study for a final tomorrow morning, too. Grrrrr.)

Of course, I should have written last night's paper earlier, but [livejournal.com profile] chenanceou is in town and I couldn't miss hanging out with her. Last weekend we had a Pirates viewing at [livejournal.com profile] drujan's place, which was very fun, although we ended up stranded there until nearly 5am because of the snowstorm.

This weekend a bunch of us ([livejournal.com profile] chenanceou, [livejournal.com profile] jerrymcl89, [livejournal.com profile] drujan, [livejournal.com profile] jaydk, and I) went to see Big Fish. I actually thought it was really good, which is rare for me, since I usually don't like movies that lack action or sci-fi. I thought it was very well done, very creative, and very sort of "heartfelt," in a real way, not a cheesy Lifetime movie way. Also, at the end, all four of us women were crying. Awwww. (I wonder if Spike redemptionists have a greater likelihood of getting emotionally involved in movies or TV?) Then we went to eat at GoBo, which has really yummy vegan food, so I was happy.

We're doing a great big huge super important urgent project at work, which, in combination with finals, is really stressing the hell out of me. So, naturally, I'm going to take my lunch break to babble about fandom nonsense.

Weirdly enough, I've been archiving a lot of Spike/Buffy on my site recently. This is coincidence, largely because I've made an effort to catch up with some older authors whose work I hadn't gotten to yet, and they've tended to be S/B oriented. (I also contacted a few slash writers, but they haven't written back to me yet *hint hint*.) I'm not back on the Spuffy ship or anything like that; I still find Buffy to be one of the most repulsive characters I've ever had the misfortune to encounter. But I do try to judge each story on its individual merits, and I also think it's easier to perceive actual human qualities like, say, the potential for compassion (for someone she doesn't see as an extension of herself or as a useful tool) in the Buffy of earlier seasons.

But I am looking to get back to other pairings and more recent stories, so if anyone has any recommendations for current writers that I'm missing out on, please let me know. The extent to which I seek out new writers has been rather limited lately, so I'm sure I'm missing out on some great fic. (I do, btw, plan to play a bit of catch up over the holidays, once finals are over, though I'll also have colloquium preparation to worry about then, too. *cue panic attack*)

thoughts on that pairing meme )
I've sort of been in a paper-writing daze lately. Yesterday I finally turned in my colloquium rationale, which is a paper outlining the topics of discussion for my colloquium -- a two hour conversation with three professors that determines whether or not I graduate college. It was absolutely terrifying to write. I'm glad I got it out of the way, though ... temporary reprieve until the actual colloquium, which is in the spring.

I've also been keeping up with all my current classes (lots of midterms and midterm papers lately) and, oh yeah, working 25 hours a week. So mostly, I'm existing on lots of coffee and very little sleep.

Which is mostly just a big excuse for why I've been lazy about keeping up with fandom lately. All this stuff I have to reply to and deal with ... LJ comments, email, story submissions, etc. I suck. I know. I'm sorry.

So, if you're an author and you submitted a story to All About Spike six months ago and haven't heard back, it's not that I'm ignoring you. It's that I'm busy. If it helps at all, I feel really guilty. But I still probably won't be getting to your story any time soon.

(Which is not in any way an attempt to discourage people from sending recommendations. Recommendations help me out a lot, so please do keep sending them. Just don't be offended if I take a long time to reply.)

I also put a moratorium on friending people back automatically on LJ. I'm being really picky about who I add to my friends list, because I don't really even have time to read the people who are already there. So, if you friended me and I didn't friend you back, it's probably nothing personal.

Anyway. Mostly just posting this because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm probably being horribly rude in all kinds of neglectful ways, and I don't want anyone to think it's personally directed at them. I do plan to catch up ... at some point.

Now. Must go write another paper. *sigh* I really can't wait for school to be over.
It's midnight and I have to write two papers. Dammit.

I will not read the episode four reactions. I will not read the episode four reactions. I will not read the episode four reactions.

I just got back from seeing Marilyn Manson. (Very unfortunate that the show coincided with a night that two papers are due. But I bought the tickets months ago, so nothing I could do.)

Anyway, it was fun. I felt old. I didn't know anything after Mechanical Animals--did you know they had two new albums since then? And Twiggy's gone! That's terrible! But he got replaced by Tim Skold, who sings my favorite KMFDM song ("Anarchy") so that's okay I guess.

All their new stuff sounds the same, and was kind of loud and annoying. But the old stuff was great--they played "The Beautiful People," "Sweet Dreams," "Great Big White World," "The Dope Show," "Tourniquet," "Rock is Dead," and hey, did you know they covered "Tainted Love"? And they closed with "Irresponsible Hate Anthem" which is one of my favorite songs, so yay! I still think "Antichrist Superstar" is one of the best records of the nineties.

The mosh pit was pathetic. I was in the second row and only one body surfer even came near me. Sheesh. I remember when you'd spend the whole time at a Manson show ducking body surfers. The enthusiasm just wasn't there anymore.

But it was easy to get up front, which was nice. I was there with my old friend April, who I know from Uranium 235 shows way back when. It was wonderful to see her again; she's awesome. So we hung out and chatted a lot before and after, which was cool.

Also, I had one drink (a something bay breeze ... I forget) and I think I'm a little drunk right now. These words are kind of hard to type. That's not good. Must write papers. No reading LJ. No reading lists. No updating websites. Must write papers......
I did it! I dropped the class that was terrifying me (what with the 15 page paper and many novels and journal entries and half hour oral presentation). I've never dropped a class before, but I have AP credits from high school, so I figured, why not use them? That's what they're for, right? No reason to feel guilty; I worked harder in high school so I could have an easier time in the future. Well, it's my senior year of college, so the future is now. Yay! (I'm very relieved; can you tell?) I'm still taking three classes, but they're all much less terrifying than this one was.

Also, I got my DragonCon photos back; there are some great ones! I'll try to scan them this weekend if I have time.

Finally, I picked up the Spike/Angel TV Guide today. I like the article and the focus on Spike, as well as the inside photos, but what the hell is up with that cover photo? It looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy and an 80-year-old man. Seriously; I dunno about Boreanaz, but Marsters looks a lot better than that in RL. How did they manage to make him look worse? And why did they put it on the cover?

Ah well ... bad cover is better than no cover, right?

Oh, and am I the only one who likes the new LJ style? Much cleaner and more attractive.

Now, back to work....
bitching about LJ )

The good news: in all the hours of running around NYC between classes, carrying heavy bags full of heavy books that are still making my back ache, I managed to stop for a few minutes and pick up poster frames for my Chance poster and my Spike/Angel (AtS Season 5) poster. The S/A poster looks so cool sitting atop the (non-functional, but very neat looking) fireplace in my bedroom. And it looks ever slashier from a distance. And it's signed. (The signature is all sloppy, but I've managed to convince myself that's because JM was distracted because he was just so delighted to see me again, and has nothing to do with the fact that he'd been sitting there for hours signing autographs and his hand was probably very tired). :)

Also: I know I have LJ comments to reply to and emails to reply to and stories to update and archive and change and whatever else. I'm working on it. I apologize for all delays and slowness and whatever else; it's not meant as rudeness, honestly.
I took a bunch of people off of my friends' list today. This is not anything personal toward anyone--it's just that school is about to start, and I know I'm going to be insanely busy and stressed. Rather than quitting LJ altogether, I decided instead to try and trim my friends' list down to a manageable size. It was really hard to choose people to remove, because I honestly find everyone interesting and thought-provoking. So again, nothing personal.

Also, Sofia (who writes wonderful Spike/Buffy/Angel fic) now has a LJ. She's [livejournal.com profile] netweight. We've had some great conversations about the show through email, and I'm really glad she's posting her thoughts publicly in her LJ.

Last night I had a nightmare that I had to complete my senior year of high school and my senior year of college simultaneously. Except that college and high school were in different states, and all the class times were intermixed. So I had to keep taking the 2 1/2 hour train back and forth, back and forth, to get to classes. In the dream, I was running out of my parents' house to catch the bus to high school, and my cat Lucifer ran out the front door. I couldn't get him, because I'd miss the bus, so I stopped and told him to stay out of trouble. Then I ran for the bus, but the bus driver was pissed that I had stopped, so he kept driving. I knew that if I missed one more class I'd fail high school, so I ran after the bus and grabbed onto the doors, but the driver wouldn't stop. Then, just to spite me, he drove to the church instead of the high school, and refused to go any further. I woke up panicked and terrified, then was very relieved when I realized I'm out of high school, and there's no way that it will ever have power over me again.

*sigh* Can you tell I'm stressed about school starting? (It's my senior year of college, which is a lot better than high school, but still: stressful.)

Desert island meme (copied from most of the people on my friends list):

Guys:
Johnny Depp
Layne Staley (late 80's or early 90's)
Dave Gahan
Trent Reznor (around 1994 - when The Downward Spiral came out)
James Marsters (circa BtVS season five, although truthfully I'm really not attracted to JM, just to Spike)

Girls:
Shirley Manson (around whenever it was that the first Garbage record came out)
Courtney Love (circa 1994 - when Live Through This was released)

LJ people:
[livejournal.com profile] devilpiglet
[livejournal.com profile] wiseacress
[livejournal.com profile] kita0610
[livejournal.com profile] anniesj
Another stressful day. Last night I was on the phone with my dad and brother from about 8pm to 1am. Turns out the way my brother installed Windows XP (way back when he set up my computer) prevented me from downloading Windows updates, which prevented me from installing the patch to fix the security vulnerability. So I had the worm that everyone else has (msblast) and apparently another one on top of that. So the hours of familial tech support involved: getting rid of the worms, changing my whole configuration to allow me to get Windows updates, trying to get the updates and discovering that one worm was still there, finally actually getting the updates, then running Norton and having it say no viruses. But the worm is still there. Gah. *kills Microsoft, and Norton, and virus writers everywhere*

I'm going to download the Symantec removal tool when I get home. *crosses fingers*

Then when I came in to work today, my boss announced that our biggest web client is going to leave us. It's not our fault; they've got some fancy new program to integrate their website with their entire book database and have it all in one place, so they won't need us for anything except design. (Right now we run their whole site from our own database). So my boss was all upset, and talking to me about what we can do, and what if all our publishing clients move on to programs like this, blah blah blah. I had some suggestions, but basically I think he just wanted to complain. It makes me particularly nervous because my coworker is gone all week, so I have to deal with my boss alone. And because if we keep losing clients, I could lose my job, and that would, y'know, suck. (I think we should move into other areas--yeah, publishers might not need us, but plenty of places still need database-driven websites.)

The new roommate came by yesterday and dropped off her deposit, so that's a relief. (Please let this work out!) I'm glad I don't have to keep putting up ads everywhere. Although she's really strange: she's all dour and suspicious and she doesn't smile. But then, I usually don't smile either, so I guess I shouldn't complain. (But I was trying to be all friendly and stuff, and I know I'm not that good at it, but she could've at least tried to smile back.) I don't think she's the type who wants to be friends; she's obviously just in it for the location and the room. That's okay; I'm not really looking for a friend either. But it would've been nice to be friendly, like I am with my current roommate. We don't hang out, but we say hi when the other one walks in the door, that kind of thing.

And I'm really, really worried about school starting in September. And graduating, and maybe finding another job, and maybe having to move. But I'm really trying not to think about that right now, because it'll make my brain explode if I dwell on it too long.

Anyway, I know it could be worse. In much better news, I've been compiling a big list of stories to archive, and I just contacted a bunch of the authors, and now their confirmations are coming in. Which means I'll have a whole ton of good stuff to archive in the next few days. The new server has been going fine, so as long as it stays that way (*knocks on wood*) I should be able to get a lot done. Speaking of which, I need to go send out my "daily update," that I haven't sent in like four days.

While I was reading fic, I had such difficulty deciding what to archive. I think I've gotten so into fanfic that I can't tell what I'm doing anymore, like what's good and what isn't. Like, is this a PWP, or a beautifully written character exploration? I've read so much fic that I'm losing all perspective as to what's 'in character' or not. It's like, I'll think something is a reasonable extrapolation of the character, but then I've probably read hundreds of other fanfic stories that built up that possibility in my mind in a way that someone who's only seen the show wouldn't see at all. Like, I imagine [livejournal.com profile] jaydk reading it and being horrified at the out-of-character-ness. (She's a stickler for canon). Or I imagine my mom stumbling across it and going "Oh my god, this doesn't make any sense at all! And it's porn!" (My mom recently went back to Indiana, where I grew up, and saw my best friend from when I was seven, who's a really serious Christian now, and gave her my website address). Anyway, it's weird. I'm not sure where to draw the line. But I do tend to be infinitely more forgiving when the language used is beautiful or interesting.

And now, back to work ....
Went to the health food store and got chocolate. Mmmm ... chocolate. (Tropical Source makes really good vegan chocolate if you're curious).

I decided to drop the "Literary Interpretation" class I was taking next semester. Instead I'm taking a science class called "Science Studies and the New Medical Genomics." I'm not a sciency person, but my school requires that you take one math or science class (hehe, only one; I'm lucky). I graduate next year and this is the only requirement I haven't fulfilled yet. It actually looks pretty interesting:

course description )

[livejournal.com profile] deborahmm has a wonderful post explaining how the "Spike as serial killer" thing just doesn't make sense. I've felt this way for a long while, and she articulates why really well. Read it here.

She's also got a nice post about the inherent racism of the Jossverse demon/human metaphor, which you can read here. It goes well with [livejournal.com profile] paratti's post on a similar topic here.

It's 7:15 and I'm still at work. Why am I still at work? Well, mostly because my chair is more comfortable here than at home, and my keyboard at home sucks, and my apartment is really hot. Just have to remember to clear my browser cache before I go ... I really don't want my boss to see the NC-17 S/X that I've been reading.

BTW: This lovely icon comes from [livejournal.com profile] delectableoomph. Visit her site here.
I just handed in my last final exam of the semester (10 pages on special effects film theory). This officially concludes my junior year of college. Yay me.

I'm going to celebrate by ordering takeout and reading fanfic. Yeah, I'm a nerd.
I'm in a bad mood because it's finals week. Tomorrow I have to give a presentation using Buffy as an example to talk about feminism in the media. This is for the class where the professor comes from the Marti Noxon school of feminism; pretty much "Men are always bad and women are always good." I'm still lost as to what I'm going to talk about. (I think I'm going to compare Buffy to John Berger's Ways of Seeing and talk about how Buffy reverses a lot of traditional ways that women are portrayed in art and in the media. But I also have to talk about it as a representative of a form or genre, and I don't know what to compare it to. I don't watch any other "teen" shows, and I don't really think Buffy is a teen show anyway, so maybe I'll talk about it in terms of TV shows that explicity try to portray a "feminist" view of women. Guess I ought to decide, considering I have to give the presentation in less than 12 hours.)

I fell asleep in my film class last night, and since it was in a movie theater, I ended up sleeping in a really uncomfortable position. Now my back is killing me; I can barely turn to the left at all. I must be getting old; I've never felt this crappy just from sleeping the wrong way before.

thoughts on Touched )

rusty-halo.com

I blog about fannish things. Busy with work so don't update often. Mirrored at rusty-halo.com.

June 2017

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