But basically, my anti-kink (something I can't enjoy no matter how well it's written) is a character having little sense of self that they want to let someone else have complete control over them.

YES. I have a real problem with that, too. It...well, frankly, it makes my skin crawl. The whole 'slave' thing? Not only "not sexy" to me - it so turns my stomach that I can't finish fics that have the merest hints of it in them. So I don't read it. I'm sure some of my personal kinks (men in eyeliner, excessive sexual talkiness, the whole vampire thing) turn some folks off, as well.