Buffy, OTOH, had to be all sad and guilt-ridden and repentent; she had to apologize to XANDER because she slept with Spike (??!!!),

I could never quite forgive the writers for that bit. I was watching re-runs on FX and there was that episode post-Riley where Anya and Xander are in bed discussing Buffy's track record in relationships. And Xander makes the remark about her failed relationships piling up. WTF? Pot calling kettle black much?

She's perfect and brilliant and damaged, so every man adores her and wants to take care of her. How lame.

You are forgetting her adorable geeky glasses which indicate that she is indeed a bonafide SCIENTIST!

The thing that annoyed me the most about Buffy was her obsession with being "normal."

I think she finally got over it. We just were never given a chance to see it.