Christmas has come early! It's Marsters wank! Here, here, here, and here.

I'm at least as amused by all the fangirls jumping to defend poor, misunderstood James as I am by the king of pretentious cluelessness, Marsters himself.


Last night's Sean Bean movie was A Woman's Guide to Adultery. I got through a half hour, then I had to fast forward and just watch the Sean Bean scenes. I don't know if I've ever seen a more annoying movie. My understanding of the plot is that a whole bunch of self-absorbed morons ramble on incessantly. Also, they cheat on their spouses and get punished for being awful people. But not even in a fun way, in a endless talky boring way.

On the plus side, Sean Bean was naked, and a major plot point was a photo of his ass that they kept showing. Yay! Also he was young and gorgeous and arrogant, which makes him extra hot. On the minus side, his haircut made my eyes burn. Mullets are not attractive. Ever. On anyone.

I should probably just stop on this Sean Bean marathon and watch "Extremely Dangerous," "Stormy Monday," and "Sharpe" a few more times instead. What's next in my Netflix queue? "Troy"? "North Country"? "Black Beauty"?? "Scarlett"??? Gaah!!! Help!!!!


I did take a break from Sean Bean movies and rented The Living Daylights, the first Timothy Dalton Bond movie. I actually liked this better than expected. Timothy Dalton was ahead of his time with a harder-edged Bond. He was pretty hot, too, but weird looking. The movie itself was okay, a product of its time with an AIDS-inspired monogamous Bond. It felt really dated, though, particularly with its Russian villains and Afghan heroes. But it was entertaining enough.
I spent my weekend watching Spike TV's James Bond marathon. I'd forgotten how awesome Sean Connery was, gorgeous and suave and dangerous, and how lame and annoying Roger Moore was in comparison. I tried to watch one of the Timothy Dalton ones (mainly because my favorite BtVS line ever is Andrew's "Timothy Dalton should win an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it!"), but it was on at 3am and I fell asleep.

I wasn't entirely unproductive, as I also cleaned out my room and listed a ton of stuff on eBay.

I watched the director's commentary on "Don't Say A Word" (he compares Sean Bean to Robert Shaw, that's pretty nice) and a kids' movie with Sean Bean's voice called "Pride." Can you tell I'm getting to the end of the Sean Bean movies in my Netflix queue? "Pride" was very stupid, sort of an awkward attempt at blending feminism with actual lion behavior, but there was a two-second clip in the "making of" showing Sean Bean cracking up while doing the voice recording, so it was probably worth it for that. So gorgeous.

I watched "Sharpe's Mission" last night. The ones not based on Cornwell books are always a bit goofy, aren't they? Though it is great when Sharpe shoves the guy down the well; how very Jaime Lannister of him. I was also struck by how, when I first watched the series, I didn't understand why [ profile] queenofthorns was harping on Jane. Now that I've seen the whole series and read the books, I spent most of the episode screaming what a bitch Jane is. Oh, how I hate her. How horrible is it that Sharpe totally ignores the awesome, intelligent, badass Lady Anne in favor of the stupid, naive, nasty pathetic little Jane? *sigh* How could he go from a woman as amazing as Teresa to Jane??? How could he marry someone he doesn't even know just because she pinged his "rescue helpless girl in trouble" instinct? How could she choose Alexis Denisof over Sean Bean??? I mean, don't get me wrong, Alexis Denisof is hot and all, but ... Sean Bean!!!


I also watched "Sharpe's Challenge" again and I realized that my favorite scene in the entire series is actually an outtake: the moment where Sharpe falls asleep at the table and Harper carries him off to bed. I mean it just so perfectly captures their relationship, how much they love and depend on each other, and understand each other like no one else. Not to mention, so slashy, it could've been taken directly out of a fic. Sharpe may not be in love with Harper (though he certainly loves Harper, and spends the whole episode rescuing Harper and worrying about Harper), but Harper is so in love with Sharpe. I mean, every time Sharpe gets depressed, Harper's there telling him how awesome he is and then carrying him off to bed.

I watched "Sharpe's Mission" immediately before bed last night and was hoping to dream about Sean Bean as a result. I did; I dreamed that we were eating vegan fast food at a new restaurant in Union Square opened up by Woody Harrelson, and the Chinese woman who was running the place was asking me for advice on what to serve (I suggested utthapams, like Indian-style pizzas), and then she mixed up our bill with someone else's. Sean Bean and I were sharing some kind of small chocolatey thing, and I was worrying that I was late for work, and kept asking him to repeat himself because I was distracted and only half listening. He was telling me that someone in England had mistaken his tattoo for a line from the Toadies song "Possum Kingdom," which I hate, and I woke up with the song stuck in my head. THAT WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO DREAM ABOUT SEAN BEAN. Damn subconscious.

family )
Am I the only person in the world who doesn't think that Daniel Craig is hot? He looks ridiculously goofy, with funny little ears that stick out, and a weird round nose, and a bulky too-big ill-proportioned body on top of which his head looks tiny. Nothing hot there except maybe the eyes, which are at least a nice color.

He's a good actor, though, with depth and charisma and all that good stuff. The movie was great; sort of a "Batman Begins" for the Bond franchise. Casino Royale )

I also should note that anyone who enjoyed this movie/likes Bond in general should pick up a DVD of Sharpe's Eagle ($10.76 at Deep Discount DVD) which has both Daniel Craig (looking slightly hotter on account of being much younger) and Sean Bean (Bond's nemesis/slashy true love in "GoldenEye"). Plus it's also a good movie on its own merits.


Tomorrow my parents are coming here and eating with me at Candle 79. It's probably the nicest vegan restaurant in NYC, so here's hoping my dad isn't too nasty about the food. I still can't believe they agreed to come up here and eat vegan with me. I guess it makes sense, though, because they're going on vacation the next day and can't have any leftovers, plus it's not like they have anyone else to have Thanksgiving with. It'll be my first Thanksgiving with family in four or five years. *fingers crossed*
Things that are amusing me today:

* This wank.

My Personal Unbreakable Vow to Severus...
My Unbreakable Vow to Severus Snape

I promise to be always faithful in body and mind, and never love another man.

Don't miss the song parodies on page 22 of the comments.

* The fact that people are still sending me angry letters disagreeing with a Buffy essay I wrote four years ago. I guess it's kind of cool that it still occasionally strikes a nerve, but I should probably put some kind of warning up that I don't really care anymore and am not going to respond to a 20-page counter essay.

* I love fandom because it's the only place where Alec Trevelyan and Kronos work together to destroy London, James Bond, and Methos. And I so can't believe that I spent the last two days reading Bond/Trevelyan fic. For some reason, it had never occurred to me that there'd be fic about them, maybe because the movie came out so long ago (you mean there was fic before LiveJournal!? :P ).

My observations: there's a huge percentage of darkfic, presumably because the canon is so dark. Much of it reminds me of Spike/Angel, another pairing which blurs love and hate, villain and hero. Most of what isn't darkfic is straight up porn, and most of the porn reminds me that Repossession-style melodrama is not limited to Spander. There's very little pure crap (probably not too many 12-year-olds are drawn to writing fic about a ten-year-old Bond movie) but only a couple stories that I'd rate excellent. A lot of mediocrity, but most of its entertaining enough to read quickly. (I'm automatically skipping anything that says "OFC," or calls either man the other's "lover"). I am getting annoyed at how many stories were written apparently because people wanted to fantasize about Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean getting it on, without acknowledging either character or paying any attention to the fact that Trevelyan is full of hate and plotting to betray Bond. Way to remove all the interesting stuff about the pairing. :P

Funny, I like Sharpe way better than GoldenEye (actually, I disliked GoldenEye), but I haven't been inspired to read much Sharpe fic. Maybe because the canon's already satisfying, whereas GoldenEye has great ingredients (deep friendship and devastating betrayal between two ultra-hot action heroes) that it doesn't do much with on the level of character exploration--it's practically begging for fanfic.

Also, what was up with Veronica Mars last night? (I had it on in the background, because I'm not Officially Watching it.) Veronica Mars: patron show for the "I'm not a feminist, but I sure love having rights!" crowd. Seriously, what's with this cynical POV that says it's great to have social justices, but that we'll incessantly mock anyone actually cares enough about these issues to try to do something about them? I suppose activists are easy to mock, because they're the type of people who care passionately about something and don't try to hide it, but honestly, have any of these writers ever met a feminist? Most of us are capable of logic--and some of us even have senses of humor (!!).

Anyway. But the Logan plotline was entertaining. You really can't have too much angsty Logan... if only those other characters didn't keep getting in the way. My favorite thing about the show is the Echolls family, and I'm highly annoyed that most of them have been killed off, so I'm glad the writers have brought in another, even through cheesetastic long-lost-brother means. Hopefully he'll show up again.
I'm having a crappy day (long story) but suddenly I'm grinning from ear to ear because I just found [ profile] forengland. It's a James Bond/Alec Trevelyan slash community. This is why I love the internet; no matter how weird my obsessions, chances are there's an entire LJ community out there devoted to them.

Most of this fic is on the, er, amusing side, but here's a drabble that's actually quite good.

::loves fandom::
rusty_halo: (sharpe: sexy wounds)
GoldenEye: from 1995, the first James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan.

My thoughts:

* I kept coming up with paper topics. "The evolution of feminism as reflected in the James Bond films" or "The changing concept of masculinity as embodied by James Bond." I wrote a paper in college about how Dr. No reflects the Playboy ideal of masculinity, so maybe that's why. I was amused by the nods to female competence and to the sensitive man of the 1990s.

* I don't dislike Pierce Brosnan, but he's no Sean Connery. Connery always gave this impression, no matter what was going on around him, that he was above it all, like the whole world was his own private joke. Brosnan has all the Bond moves technically correct, but he's like an automaton. There's nothing beneath the exterior.

* Two X-Men! Alan Cumming and Famke Janssen were both good in their roles. And both kind of hot back then.

* They totally got the casting wrong. If they'd switched Sean Bean's role with Pierce Brosnan's, it'd have been perfect. Sean Bean could've pulled off that Connery thing of "more going on beneath the surface." (In my fantasy world, young Sean Bean perfectly embodied Jaime Lannister in the epic ASOIAF movies, then went on to become the best James Bond ever.)

* The hand-to-hand fight at the end was very well done. I get bored when there's lots of random disconnected violence, but there was actually some drama and characterization going on with this fight (the rivalry between former friends Bond and Trevelyan).

* If I'd have written the movie, it would've been all about the relationship between Bond and Trevelyan. This film took pains to make sure there was no subtext between the two; that they hated each other now and that neither regretted having to kill the other. (Okay, there was one scene of Bond looking angsty which was quickly healed by the hot chick of the week, and nothing from Trevelyan, who they went out their way to show was totally nasty and irredeemable now by having him sexually assault random-hot-chick.)

Of course, I'd have done the opposite, and made it clear that Bond and Trevelyan still totally cared about each other and missed their friendship, but that their duties to their respective ideologies came first, and so it would've been all about the angst. And hotness. And ho!yay. *sigh* Actually I'm rewriting the movie in my head right now, and my version is so much more interesting....

I blog about fannish things. Busy with work so don't update often. Mirrored at

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