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Saw "Mystic River" with

soulmate815 last night. I quite liked it; certainly won't be devastated if Sean Penn beats Johnny for the Oscar.

Then we met up with

jaydk for drinks, and ended up being out until almost 4am. (How did that happen?) It was fun, though--good conversation. Had a debate about RPF, which amuses me because I don't read and am very squicked by RPF, but I'm always the one defending it.

And we talked about conventions.

jaydk and I are definitely going to DragonCon. Woo hoo! So, who else is going? Or is it too early to decide?

I can't get anyone to come with me to WriterCon. So maybe I will end up looking for a roommate after all. Or staying in my own room, but that's kind of expensive. Although

soulmate815 said she might go, depending on which fic writers are there. Isn't it neat how fanfic writers are sort of minor celebrities themselves? Going to a con to meet a fic writer that you admire ... that's cool.

I'm going to the Creation con in NJ in March. Must figure out transportation ... I guess I can wait until closer to the actual con date to figure that out, though. I figure I'll come on Saturday, stay the night, and leave on Sunday. Probably will travel with

soulmate815.

I'm not going to the Cleveland Vulkon. Must write and ask for refund soon.

I am going to Moonlight Rising, but I haven't a clue how I'm going to get there. Must figure that out.

Still have to decide about Toronto Trek.

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

High School Meme

School and Year you graduated
Graduated in 2000.

Number of people in your graduating class:
Not sure ... 200? 300?

Nickname in high school?
I didn't have a nickname. The word "freak" was uttered in the hallway under someone's breath more than once. I had some rather nasty nicknames in middle school, but I wasn't even on the radar enough for people to bother in high school.

Sport you were into?
You're kidding, right?

Had a circle of friends?
In 9th and 10th grade? Yes. Best friends I ever had--everyone who rejected the elitist, self-obsessed, money-and-popularity-focused, utterly conformist high school culture gravitated together. We were very different individuals--really, people from every social group ended up there. The people with whom I was closest were the creative types--we wrote stories together, wrote a screenplay, made videos, that kind of thing.

We had a falling out in the summer between 10th and 11th grade; I didn't have a social group after that.

Best subject?
I was in advanced classes for everything. I got the highest grades (high As) in math classes, because they're graded objectively. I had low grades (low and mid-As) in English classes, because they're graded subjectively. I was actually better at English than math, it's just that an English teacher is more likely to give you a 95 for a good essay than 100, whereas a math teacher will give you 100 for a perfect exam.

Worst subject?
Gym. One of the most personally degrading experiences of my life. I will never send my children to public schools. (Y'know, if I ever had children.)

A teacher you owe life lessons to?
Mr. Bush. He was probably the only teacher I ever learned anything from. He taught Media Arts, which was an elective class that I took in 10th grade. He gave us a wonderful history of film class, and had us producing our own amateur films. It was amazing. Our final project was a 13-minute short movie that we shot, acted in, and edited ourselves. That class is definitely the reason I studied film in college.

Unfortunately, the year we were to take Media Arts II (more focus on making your own films), the school cancelled the program. Because it was focused on creativity instead of money. They replaced it with "TV Production," whose sole purpose was to make poorly-done propoganda glorifying our repulsive, repressive, conformist school and town. (The town had high property values because the school had a good reputation, so everything in high school was about making the school look good and hiding/eliminating any signs of individuality or creativity or nonconformity). We organized several meetings with the administration, got our parents involved, did everything we could to keep the media arts program, but they eliminated it.

Describe in one word...
Freshman (year 9): Miserable
Sophmore (year 10): Not-Quite-As-Miserable
Junior (year 11): Suicidal
Senior (year 12): Numb

Your best friend was?
In ninth and tenth (and seventh and eighth) grades, Danielle. My best friend in the world. We wrote stories together, made movies together, analyzed each other's dreams, wrote in each other's journals, finished each other's sentences...

No best friend in 11th grade.

In 12th grade, my best friend was

dizenchanted. Who lived in another state and who I only talked to online and saw occasionally at concerts.

Worst friend?
What's a worst friend? Shouldn't it be, like, worst enemy? I mean, if they were such a bad friend, why would you still be friends with them?

I guess, in retrospect, it would be the girl who was best friends with me and Danielle from seventh to tenth grades. I wasn't quite as close with her as I was with Danielle, but we had our moments. We hung out and talked to each other and were there for each other when things were bad. One of her family members had a mental illness that was very difficult for her to deal with, and I was always there for her. People used to ridicule her at school, but I would always step in to defend her. But when I had a falling out with Danielle, she just ditched me, with no explanation, after four years of friendship. I was going through the worst period in my life and I guess she just decided my issues were "inconvenient" to her, and that was it.

Cafeteria food sucked?
I wouldn't know; I wouldn't eat that stuff if you paid me. I usually ate my lunches in the library, or brought something vegan to snack on.

Wore uniforms?
No. You wouldn't have been able to force me to go if we did. The dress code was bad enough--my (male) friend repeatedly got sent home for wearing skirts, for example.

How was the prom?
How would I know? I was probably at home on the computer.

Who were the prom king and queen?
Someone I hated, I'm sure.

Any achievements?
I got out alive.

Were you popular?
I was so not popular, I don't even think I'd fit anywhere on the popularity scale. I had, like, negative popularity.

Best song that reminds you of high school?
Most of Nine Inch Nails' "Downward Spiral." Pearl Jam's "Jeremy." Nirvana's "School."

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Good God, I just had to respond to your post, honey. That was some high school experience you had! What, did you go to John Hughes High?

::hugs you until your buttons pop::

Now, you're popular and admired and sought-after (at least, that's how I see you), so all those "popular kids" presently squirming in their tiny, self-contained boxes can go screw themselves.

I've been both rejected outcast and semi-popular, and if it makes you feel any better, the neuroses are still there, they're just different ones. Although the sex was better, it's true. :0)

::hugs you some more, and feeds you chocolate by hand::

Also, I would be your roommate in a second if I was going to WriterCon!

Thank you. That's so sweet of you to say. :)

Aww, why aren't you going to WriterCon? It's so going to rock.

No money and no time. :0(

Yay! I'll be in NJ for Creation too.

Awesome. :) See you there.

that high school meme... very depressing. but then, after i filled mine out, i thought... y'know what? i'm not in high school anymore! i'm not in that shitty little town anymore! maybe i'm not where i'd hoped to be by this time, but wow, at least i'm not back there!

i've been in a good mood ever since.

heh.

i'm still hoping to figger out a way to get to writercon, so if you're still in need of a roomie, let me know.

Heh. I totally know what you mean; the one good thing about high school is that those people have no power over me anymore! When you're there, it feels like that's the whole world, that their evaluation of you is Truth. Once you escape, you realize that they're just a bunch of petty little people on power trips taking out their issues on children. What they think of you--means nothing.

You're already traveling with your roommate to WriterCon, right? So it would be three in a room if we shared? How likely do you think it is that you'll go?

Psst: Good luck with the hearing that's coming up. *hugs*

So, who else is going? Or is it too early to decide?

I've gone the last three years, and this year, I figured that I might as well register early and save myself $25, 'cause I always end up going and having a blast.

Oooh, cool. I hope I see you there.

Well, I'll be around, attending tons of panels, and quite often drinking up a storm. I'll probably post something a few weeks before the event, wherein I ask who is going and who wants to hang while we're all there. Last year, I traded cell phone numbers with many a person, and I'm very glad I did. So don't be afraid to do a roll call when DragonCon becomes imminent. ;)

Sounds very good. I'll definitely post a roll call type thing shortly before the event (and will keep a lookout for yours). :)

Hey Laura,
I'm definitely going to DragonCon again and I think Sharon is too.

Also going to Writercon and do not have roomie/roomies yet. Probably will be looking for three others to share with me because that is now one of three events I'm doing in July. Eeeek. Toronto Trek, going to a friend's cottage for a week and now WriterCon. The cottage thing I just got confirmation on two days ago and it is determined by when his family says I can use their cottage. It's cheap but that's a good thing cause it's at a time when I need cheap.

Let me know if you wanna roomie it up for Writercon. I think I know of a couple others but have to ask still.

Awesome! I'm so glad you're going to DragonCon. :)

And you're going to WriterCon? That rocks! I'm so glad that I'll be seeing you a lot this year. :)

Rooming together would be really cool. I have to talk it out with everyone here, though; if one of my friends here wants to go I'll want to stay with them.

I also have to figure out what days I'm staying; I've never seen Las Vegas, so I was thinking of maybe arriving early or staying late. Maybe like, come in on Wednesday and leave Tuesday morning, give myself some time time to explore. I'll have to see ... it depends on airfares and such.

Sure. I'll have used up all of my vacation time by then so I'll only be able to be there for the weekend. Probably fly in on Friday and leave Sunday night. I have to check flights too but I've got two other flights to get before that one so it's "on my list".

Still have to decide about Toronto Trek.

?!?!?!?!?!? :)

And lol re: the rpf debate. I'm squicked by it too in theory ... I know, I know! But I am! I just can't understand how in practice, I'm not!

Are you going to be at Toronto Trek? I'm really trying to figure out whether to go. I already have a ticket to the con (transferred over from last year when I didn't go, after JM cancelled), and I really want to see Toronto. Plus I want to hang out and see the con and everything. It just depends on money and job stability and that kind of thing.

And lol re: the rpf debate. I'm squicked by it too in theory ... I know, I know! But I am! I just can't understand how in practice, I'm not!

I'm like the exact opposite. In theory, I have no problem with it. It's not the actual person, it's a character based on that person's public persona. Which is totally fine with me; it's no different than an entertainment magazine. And it's actually much more interesting than that because it's playing with our cultural obsession with "celebrities" and exploring the boundaries around that--thinking about it and reinterpreting it instead of just swallowing what we're being fed. It's transgressive in a way similar to fanfic. And if people like you and Annie and Kita and Glossing are writing it, it must be producing some beautiful and insightful and interesting writing.

But I can't bring myself to actually read it; I've tried and just ... eeek. Makes me shudder and close the page. It just totally creeps me out. (Which is not in any way a value judgement on those who enjoy it. It's my personal issue.) I have a hard time reading any kind of fiction that incorporates real people, though, even historical fiction, for example. (I was just watching "Ever After" and it creeps me out that they included Leonardo da Vinci as a character in there, even though it's totally harmless and silly). I think largely this is because I'm the kind of person who presents a public persona that is not at all like my private persona, and when people extrapolate what I'm supposedly like based on how I seem in public, it's always totally wrong. I don't like when people do that to me, so I don't want to do it to other people. (I feel this even in real life contexts, not just fiction, like I'm always hesitant to guess at someone's underlying motivations or opinions.)

Whoa. Sorry for the babble. Just want to stress again that I have nothing but respect for the RPF writers that I know, and that just because it squicks me doesn't mean that I think there's anything inherently wrong with it.

Gym. One of the most personally degrading experiences of my life.

Oh god. I'm so glad to be done with that. Worst class I've ever had to live through, period. I had it first hour every day for a semester, and it consisted of running six laps around the gym every morning at 7 and desperately trying to blend into my surroundings so no one tried to pass the ball at me for team sports. Not to mention the 20-minute-long-run at the end of the semester. ::shudder::

Also: "School" is a kickass song.

Hee. Nirvana rocks.

Congratulations on being done with gym. :)

We had gym every day, every semester, every year. It's just ... I don't even want to think about it. Let's see: take off your clothes in front of a bunch of strangers who hate you. Put on ugly crappy clothes. Now, follow orders as they're barked at you by some big muscular mean rude person: lie on the dirty floor, getting your hair and hands and clothes dirty. Do strenuous physical activity; do it correctly and don't stop or the instructor will pull you out and make you do it alone in front of everyone else, totally humiliate you in front of your peers. Just feel lucky that you're not a boy; at least no one's dragging you in front of everyone and calling you a fag because you can't keep up.

Okay, now that you've done that for a while, you can (depending on the semester; we never had choices)--stand somewhere and try not to get hit while large scary teenage boys throw balls at each other at top speed while simultaneously trying to make it appear that you're "participating" whenever the teacher glances over (aka "basketball" "volleyball" "baseball"). Or run in circles for an hour with teachers standing at random intervals screaming at you if you stop, or walk instead of run.

Oh, and don't cut, because if you miss four classes you'll fail and won't graduate high school. Um, and if you're sick, or have debilitating cramps, we don't care; get your ass out here or you fail. And what was that? It's 10 degrees outside? Yeah, so?, get out there and freeze. What, you have a nose ring/tongue ring/navel ring? Too bad, you have to have it out or you fail gym. No, we don't care that you're not supposed to remove it yet or that the hole will close if you take it out. (Unless you have earrings, which are socially acceptable--you only have to remove "freaky" piercings). And, oh gee, class ran long. Guess you don't have time to change back into your regular clothes/fix your hair/wash your hands--get to your next class on time or you'll be counted as absent.

[Of course, if you're a jock, you can horse around and do whatever you want; no one will care. If you're unpopular, though, or one of those "fags" who wears black--take one step out of line and you'll be humiliated as thoroughly as possible. I had a friend--one of the smartest people I ever met--who nearly didn't graduate high school because she failed gym one year. And she never did anything that the jocks didn't do regularly and get away with.]

"Normal," "acceptable," "necessary," institutionalized degradation and humiliation. Like I said, my kids will never attend public schools.

I spent the first two years of high school trying to fit in with a certain crowd. Needless to say, it didn't work, and one fine day I realized that I was putting quite a lot of time and effort into being friends with this group of people that I didn't even respect.

I know totally what you mean. I'm lucky, though, that I figured that out pretty early. I changed schools five years in a row (3rd-7th grade each in a new school), so by 6th grade I was completely over any desire to fit in with the "in crowd." I'd seen the arbitrary and ridiculous way that such things worked in many different school cultures and didn't see any reason to keep trying to change myself to that particular school's social norm (especially when you're going from, like, a Catholic school in Indiana to a private secular school in Puerto Rico--there is no way that you're going to "fit in" with the popular crowd).

My problem in high school was more with the administration and its repression of any type of nonconformity, its horrific double-standards, its harsh punishment of anyone who deviated from the norm while it always looked the other way when "normal" kids broke the rules, its refusal to allow us to engage in intellectual or artistic endeavors related to anything other than the most utterly bland, conservative-approved topics, etc.

Luckily things get much better after high school.

You can say that again. :)

Best song that reminds you of high school?
Most of Nine Inch Nails' "Downward Spiral." Pearl Jam's "Jeremy." Nirvana's "School."

Okay, Laura, now you are making feel a little old. These are the songs that remind me of college.

And yup, high school, couldn't make me repeat that ordeal if you paid me a zillion bucks.

Okay, Laura, now you are making feel a little old. These are the songs that remind me of college.

See, there's where I'm jealous. I wish I'd been in college when those songs came out--then I could've, y'know, seen my favorite bands in concert before they all went and broke up. Instead I was like, 11, and not allowed to do anything. By the time I was old enough to go to concerts, Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains were all gone. :(

*bounces with excitement about meeting you at Writercon*

Ya know, I haven't done that high school meme because it's been 10 years and I'm still busy repressing all the misery. But just think of all the people who sucked in high school. Bet they wouldn't have pegged you for being someone that total strangers would be all excited to cross the country to meet. Times change, huh?

LOL. That's sweet of you to say.

I'm so looking forward to WriterCon. So many neat people to hang out with. :)

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