apparently i'm asking for half of my friends list to de-friend me, but this is how i feel

[rusty_halo]

I wasn't going to post this, but then when I was catching up with my FL I saw quite a few people trying to figure out why some people do or don't like Spike this season. And I saw a lot of assumptions that don't apply to me, like "If you don't like Spike this season, you must worship pure wussy saint Spike," or whatever. So I decided to post this anyway.

I know most people will disagree with this. I'm fine with disagreement in my LJ, but please be nice about it. People can interpret a story differently without that meaning that one or the other is "wrong." I have no problem with most of the people who are enjoying Spike this year. I'm glad you're finding something meaningful there. I'm just not. This is about explaining my reasons, not debunking anyone else's.

Original post:

I've been hoping since "Lessons" to like Spike again, and I've finally come to realize that my Spike really did die in "Grave." I don't like and am not interested in the guy who replaced him. (And, believe me, I really did try to like him, and tried to convince myself that I liked him, but honestly I just don't and I'm sick of trying to force myself to.)

• Spike represented the grey area, the idea that morality is more complicated than black and white.
• Now Spike is arguing for black and white and is against the idea of "grey."

• Spike didn't have a soul, so every good thing he did was an achievement, immensely meaningful. His sympathy toward Dawn, kindness toward Tara, resistance to torture to protect Buffy and Dawn, decision to care for Dawn all summer ... all incredible achievements for a soulless creature.
• Now, he has a soul, so all of this is pretty much expected of him. I wouldn't particularly applaud him for doing any of these--he should.

• Before, when Spike made mistakes or did something selfish, I forgave him because he didn't have a soul to guide him. The fact that he was trying -- without any outside help or encouragement -- was what mattered.
• Now, when he makes mistakes, I do blame him, because he has every reason to know better.

• Spike didn't give a fuck about destiny or fate. He was the poster boy for free will.
• Now Spike's story is all about destiny.

• Spike broke boundaries, social and metaphysical. No soulless vampire was supposed to do good, no soulless vampire was supposed to love a slayer, no soulless vampire was supposed to babysit little girls. Spike did it, even though he was going against his own "nature," even though it resulted in social ostracization.
• Now, Spike is ... a souled vampire fighting for good. I see no transgression here; he's just copying Angel.

• Spike respected women. He saw them as his most powerful adversaries, he had no problem with Drusilla as the dominant one in their relationship, he adored Buffy's strength and wasn't threatened by it.
• Now, he doesn't even tell Buffy he's back? He treats all women (except Fred) like stupid sex objects and completely disregards their thoughts and feelings? The writers are going out of their way to show Spike as a misogynist.
  
  I *like* and find refreshing the idea that Spike isn't all hung-up about sexuality, that he enjoys and appreciates sex and so on. Spike having casual sex and going to strip clubs or whatever is fine with me. But I don't feel like it's being shown just as an aspect of characterization; I feel like it's being shown with a feeling of judgement. Like we're supposed to look down on Spike for this (and if we don't we're just delusional hormone-driven foolish hysterical women, which just goes to show you who the real sexist is *glares at David Fury*). Spike doesn't just have casual sex with Harmony (which would be nice, actually--Spike reclaiming his dick and getting over Buffy)--he takes advantage of the fact that she has feelings for him, uses her purely for his own physical pleasure and then doesn't even bother to check if she's okay after he knocks her out. Spike doesn't just call the alley woman a fool for being in a dark alley--he criticizes her with specifically gendered terms and mocks aspects specifically related to gender (like her shoes). This is the guy who tried to rape Buffy, and who supposedly used to get off on raping young girls. Put all that together and what I see is a not a Spike who is admirably open about sexuality and isn't ashamed about wanting to enjoy life, but rather an attempt by the writers to make me think that Spike is an overly-macho sexist pig.

• The tough-guy exterior hid how vulnerable he was inside.
• Now, he *is* the tough-guy exterior. I like tough-guy Spike. But it needs balance. It's like, he was such a boring wuss in S7 that they decided to erase that aspect of his personality entirely, which is going way too far. Spike was interesting because of that complex mix of love and vulnerability and tenderness with snarkiness and selfishness. Like, I think it was ck594us who pointed out how wonderful Spike was in "Spiral," how he could make that "shrimp" comment to upset Xander, but then a short while later he was genuinely reassuring Tara after she hurt him. That's complex, layered Spike--snarky and cruel and tender and vulnerable. Take away either side and you're left with a character who is so much less interesting -- S7 wuss Spike or AtS S5 asshole Spike.

• He was snarky, but in doing so he pointed out the harsh truths that no one else wanted to face.
• He's snarky in a buffoonish way. He doesn't point out truths, he just whines and bitches about nothing. (I did like him telling off the girl in the alley in "Soul Purpose," but that's the first time his snark has been perceptive all season, and IMO it crossed the line from snarky truth-telling to a sort of bullying, especially because of the sexist nature of his comments. I really wish they'd kept the part where he invited himself to dinner with the couple, because that would have been my Spike. Instead they threw in the stuff about him coming on to some women, which wouldn't bother me on its own, but in context is just one more example of the rude crude buffoonish misogynist Spike that Fury wants us to see.)

• Interpersonal connections mattered more to him than great big notions of Destiny and Good vs. Evil.
• Now it's all about the Destiny.

• He wanted so desperately, so passionately, so powerfully, so completely, that I could feel it, and couldn't help wanting him to get what he desired.
• Now, I don't really get any kind of passionate feelings off him at all.

• He wanted to be valued on his own terms. He wanted the others to see that what he did mattered, even if he didn't have a soul or some big Destiny behind him.
• Now, he's all about going after that Destiny, not being respected on his own terms but for the heroic role he could fulfill.

• He didn't give a fuck about atonement. He knew that you can't change the past, you can only change the future.
• Now he thinks he deserves to go to hell and suffer, even though he saved the world and has fought for good for years, because of what he did years ago without a soul. This makes zero sense; it's like saying you're responsible for what you do if someone drugs you and you lose all inhibition. We know perfecty well that *anyone* turned into a soulless vampire would behave that way at first, yet most people are able to contain that dark side of themselves as long as they have a soul. Spike thought he was consenting to sex in a alley, not 120 years of murder and mayhem. Why should Spike be punished because that side of him--which everyone has--was released against his will? He's perfectly able to contain it when he has a soul, and even reached the amazing achievement of controlling it without a soul. He should be rewarded, not sent to hell. And he should be the one saying this, not going "Oh, yeah, you're right, Angel, we're doomed to hell."

• I used to know exactly what Spike was thinking just from the look in JM's eyes.
• Now I have no clue what he's thinking most of the time--if I want to see layers, I have to fanwank them myself, and they're usually contradicted by something that he does or says later. It's like the writers aren't even bothering to give him a consistent inner life--they're just using him for whatever they want to show that week, even if it directly contradicts something that came earlier.

• I used to be totally invested in the story. I really, really cared what happened.
• Now, I find myself unable to invest in the story. I know that ME is almost certainly on a different page than I am--for example, I see Spike telling off the moron girl as refreshingly honest, so I'm sure ME will tell me later that it's proof that Spike isn't as good of a hero as Angel. So why should I bother letting myself get excited about it when I know they're just going to tell me later what a moron I am for liking it?
  
  And in a larger sense, I see the world completely differently than the writers do in terms of gender (I'd rather see equality, not women castrating men), morality (I'm much more interested in grey areas than in the idea that everything should be reduced to a simplistic black vs. white), etc. I don't trust them to tell a consistent story or to care about characterization--just look what they did to Spike, or Cordelia, or Anya. If they don't get or don't like a character, they'll treat that character like nothing--a tool to illuminate aspects of other characters, with no value or consistentency on his or her own. Plus, ME fails to simply tell a story--they have to insert a moral message. I don't need to have that black and white moral crap shoved down my throat by them--I can watch George Bush on TV if I want to see that.

I'm not even going to start on what a pathetic sniveling little wuss souled Spike was in season seven, since the writers have apparently decided to pretend that never happened.

You can tell me a million perfectly sensible reasons why Spike is acting like this, but the fact remains that I find it irritating and boring. I can also see a million reasons why Buffy turned into a vicious self-obsessed abusive bitch post-resurrection, but I sure as hell am never going to like her for it.

I honestly can't think of a single thing that I liked about the old Spike that's still around. This guy has his face (with really bad makeup) and a sort of vague half-assed echo of his personality, but that's it.

This Spike bores me. There's nothing about his story that I find interesting or intriguing or meaningful. He's just another character, and kind of an irritating one.

I think maybe what it comes down to is that Spike -- the character, and his story -- doesn't effect me emotionally anymore (for all the reasons I've attempted to articulate above). Back when I first got into the show -- Intervention era, Afterlife era -- it was the strangest thing ever to find myself entranced by this TV character, and I completely embraced the character and the show. Now, I'm not able to do that -- I don't trust the writers to tell the story well, and I'm just not interested or emotionally effected by the character.

Um, yeah, and last thing: my dislike of Spike this season has absolutely nothing to do with the fact I think JM's makeup sucks. Just to clarify that. The crappy makeup annoys me, but I would love a well-written Spike no matter how JM looked. They're two completely separate issues, and I really don't appreciate the insinuation that I'm only dissatisfied with the character because I'm not as attracted to him.