rusty_halo ([personal profile] rusty_halo) wrote2003-09-04 01:25 pm

(no subject)

For one class this semester, I have to read 15 novels, write journal responses to each, do a 30 minute research presentation, and write a 15 page paper. That's just one class. I'm taking four.

In addition to four classes, I have to prepare for my colloquium, which involves becoming intimately familiar with 25 books from various eras, writing up a "rationale", and talking about it while being questioned by a room full of strangers for several hours.

In addition to class and homework and research papers and exams and graduation, I'm also working almost 30 hours a week. I co-run the web department at work, where I have a lot of responsibility, so I need to be all there.

Something has to give. I've already quit reading my Yahoo groups (though I occasionally check in on BAPS, and I intend, at some point, to read through the fic I've missed on Salvation and the Gutter). That leaves LJ and the website. I want to keep going with the website, I really do, even though it drives me crazy sometimes. Because it's rewarding to help wonderful stories reach a wider audience, and I think it's a valuable thing to do.

So what does that leave to get rid of? Well, LJ. I do not have time to read the 222 people on my LJ friends' list, despite the fact that I get something out of every single one, and I still feel the lack of the 5 or 6 people I unfriended last week. I've enjoyed getting to know some wonderful people on here, but I'm starting to think that the bad outweighs the good.

I'm sick of people purposely misinterpreting other peoples' opinions just so they can get outraged and make a show of what a victim they are, or how righteous they are for "taking a stand." I'm sick of people being oversensitive and taking every teeny tiny little thing personally and freaking out about it. I'm sick of things turned into gigantic kerfuffles that would be laughed off if we were all just sitting around chatting in RL. I'm sick of seeing people I like and respect tear each other apart over nothing. I'm sick of feeling uncomfortable around people I respect because I think maybe they dislike me over some imagined LJ slight. I'm sick of being paranoid that every single word I type, no matter how innocuous it seems, could be used against me in some giant stupid kerfuffle. I'm sick of not feeling comfortable with anyone because someone I thought I was cool with yesterday could turn around and hate me tomorrow. I'm sick of being judged and stereotyped because I hold certain opinions about fictional characters or about genres of fanfiction. I've just had it. This isn't fun anymore.

Anyway, I don't really know what to do. I don't really want to give up LJ; it always makes me so sad to see people I like leaving. But is there a way to keep the rewarding aspects of LJ and get rid of the irritating ones? For now, I'm going to try reading only a custom friends' group of about 15 people that I trust, people I've either met in RL or know well enough online that I know they're not going to freak out over nothing. I'm also going to strictly enforce a policy that I will not comment on the journal of someone that I do not know exremely well, because I'm sick of seeing my words misinterpreted and used against me when all I wanted to do was let them know I agreed or I was reading or I hope they feel better or I thought their post was interesting or whatever.

We'll see.

The good news: in all the hours of running around NYC between classes, carrying heavy bags full of heavy books that are still making my back ache, I managed to stop for a few minutes and pick up poster frames for my Chance poster and my Spike/Angel (AtS Season 5) poster. The S/A poster looks so cool sitting atop the (non-functional, but very neat looking) fireplace in my bedroom. And it looks ever slashier from a distance. And it's signed. (The signature is all sloppy, but I've managed to convince myself that's because JM was distracted because he was just so delighted to see me again, and has nothing to do with the fact that he'd been sitting there for hours signing autographs and his hand was probably very tired). :)

Also: I know I have LJ comments to reply to and emails to reply to and stories to update and archive and change and whatever else. I'm working on it. I apologize for all delays and slowness and whatever else; it's not meant as rudeness, honestly.

[identity profile] snoopygirll.livejournal.com 2003-09-05 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
I still love you. :)

[identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com 2003-09-08 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, thanks. :)
zyrya: (Default)

[personal profile] zyrya 2003-09-05 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Do what you have to do, and bugger the rest.

*massages your feet*

JM's Distraction

[identity profile] soulmate815.livejournal.com 2003-09-05 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
"And it's signed. (The signature is all sloppy, but I've managed to convince myself that's because JM was distracted because he was just so delighted to see me again, and has nothing to do with the fact that he'd been sitting there for hours signing autographs and his hand was probably very tired). :)"

Actually, I must disagree slightly with this assessment of JM's distraction -- he was distracted because YOU ARE SO HOT! Especially in your Goth Girl outfits... oh, and he was just so delighted to see you again... because you are so hot in your goth girl look... and he remembers you...'cause you are always hot...

And you are the coolest roomie...

He also noticed you in the front row of the concert, too (even if you weren't into the music).

And forget about all those silly kerfluffles. They are not worth it.

Have you ever mentioned your website to him? Although, I am kind of afraid of what he would do with that knowledge (no more bad boyfriend line, please).

Re: JM's Distraction

[identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com 2003-09-08 08:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, thanks. It was so fun to room together! You are a sweetie. And thank you again for ... you know. :)

Have you ever mentioned your website to him?

Nah ... I'm pretty sure he's legally required not to read fanfiction (and my site is mostly fic oriented). And the creators are legally obligated to protect their copyright, so it's a bad idea to for them to get wind of it. (Not that they're unaware of fanfiction, but it's still dangerous to expose specific sites to them).

I'd love to show him my gender essay (or just argue it with him) ... not that he'd be likely to change his mind, but maybe we could get him to think. (Actually I'd really rather see someone smarter than me, like [livejournal.com profile] miggy or [livejournal.com profile] rahirah or [livejournal.com profile] shipperx, argue it.)

[personal profile] netweight 2003-09-06 09:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Sweetie, you can bitch about anything in my neck of the woods. And if you think I'm full of shit, tell me! ;-) I'll still love you in the morning. *kisses you*

[identity profile] rusty_halo.livejournal.com 2003-09-08 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. :)

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