I'd love to read your story, but the first line of dialogue made me want to kill myself.

Dear clueless fanfic writers,

Please do not write out characters' accents. I already know they're from various regions of Britain. There's no need to replace every "h" with an apostrophe. Just capture the rhythm and cadence of their speech, use words that they'd be likely to use, and it'll sound like them.

Plus, I'll be able to read it without wanting to bang my head into my desk repeatedly.

Sincerely,

Me

[Cross-posted to InsaneJournal]