rusty_halo

I’ve been reading Valerie’s original fiction. She was so talented. I wish I’d told her how much I admired her.

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

talula728 posted that her sister valerie_z has passed away.

I am heartbroken. Valerie was one of my favorite people in fandom. I met her because I archived some of her stories on my Spike fanfiction archive. We only met in person once, but I loved knowing her online.

I remember reading her story “Super Food World” out loud to my mother, a decade ago, because I thought it was so funny and moving and wanted to share how much I loved it. We hadn’t interacted much in the past few years, but I always read her posts. She was so smart, talented, funny, and honest.

I will miss her so much.

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

* Went to DragonCon in Atlanta.

* Went to Istanbul for the Dunnett Seige of Constantinople.

* Went to Las Vegas for work (ugh, ugh, ugh).

* Went to Rio to visit chenanceou for Thanksgiving week–was so lovely to see her.

* Am now officially sick of traveling.

* Worked incessantly at an extreme level of stress. Achieved a major milestone in a project I’ve been working on for a very long time and got nothing but grief for it. Realizing that politics is more important than skill. Really, really stressed about that.

* Had a terrifying health scare with my cat Angel, which I don’t want to talk about. She is doing much better now. Sitting on my lap as I type.

* Fannishly: am trying to keep up with DW, LJ, and certain Tumblrs. Not succeeding. Occasionally reading Loki fanfic. Still haven’t watched this week’s episode of SPN.

* Listening to Nick Cave and Coil.

* Pretty much all my thinky thoughts are about work, because I’m there constantly and it’s what I spent all my time and energy on. Even almost all of my social relationships are with work people now. There’s a ton of meta I’d like to write about how office culture, about power, politics, image, the blurred line between personal and professional. About how I’m struggling to navigate it, what I’ve learned, what I’m stuck and can’t figure out.

I’m scared to write about it, even behind friends-lock, because this job is serious business and being found out would equal being fired. I really miss you guys and wish I could talk to you about it.

* I’m supposed to be working right now. (It’s 10pm on a Sunday). Time becomes so precious when you have so little of it. Fixing typos and editing my writing takes a backseat. But my inner grammar fanatic cries every time.

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

I worked today from 9:15am – 10pm. I miss you guys so much. :( :( :(

On the plus side, a new person joined our team today, so maybe I’ll have more free time in the future? *hopes* Now I’m on two nightly calls (8pm Mondays at 9pm Thursdays) and early morning calls keep popping up too. :(

I miss fandom. And I miss my fandom friends.

You know, what’s amazing is that even though I hardly post here anymore and haven’t been fannishly active in ages, my fannish friends are still the best friends ever. Just in the past month I’ve:

* Hung out with the lovely 10zlaine and attempted to introduce her to the vegan wonders of NYC (she’s a new vegan!). She’s been coming for plays at BAM–we saw John Gabriel Borkman earlier in the year (complete with scary Snape fangirls in the actor Q&A) and Diary of a Madman recently. And then she so generously stayed over at my place for 6 extra days and catsat while I was out of town. (10zlaine, in case I didn’t tell you yet, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. The place was perfect and the kitties were so well-cared for and happy.)

* Went to Puerto Rico with jaydk for her birthday. (I’ve never needed a vacation more in my life.) We spent 3 days at El Conquistador (this crazy resort with a water park, a private island, a bunch of pools, and an amazing spa) and then 3 days at La Concha in San Juan. The best part was the rainforest, though–I went in the waterfall again! I could totally live in that place and as long as I had internet I’d never leave.

* Visited with chenanceou, who was in town briefly, although sadly I barely got to see her because I had to leave unexpectedly. But it was so good to catch up and hopefully she’ll be here this summer so we can spend more time together. :)

* Visited with the fantabulous soundingsea a couple weekends ago. She came over to my place for a day of fangirling (although sadly she’s not so into SPN anymore, but we still had plenty to talk about). And the night before, we hung out with deepad, who is lovely and always a pleasure to hang with.

Who all is going to Wincon? I think a lot of Writercon people will be there. I’m going and rooming with soundingsea and 10zlaine. I want to spend some time actually in New Orleans too, at a downtown hotel–wish I had time to actually make plans! But the Wincon tickets are purchased and hotel booked, so it’s definitely happening. :)

Hmm, what else? I saw Book of Mormon on Broadway (thanks Chen for forwarding me the sale!). It was very good, like Orgazmo merged with that South Park episode about the boy from Africa, set to music. It’s interesting to see how Trey Parker revisits the same themes throughout his life but in all these different forms. And very odd to see a fairly typical Broadway crowd coming out of such an obscenity-filled show! But the performances, music, and choreography really were fantastic. I’d actually like to see it again, from a closer seat.

( spoilers for the last aired episode of SPN )

( spoilers for aired episodes of White Collar )

Oh yeah! And Game of Thrones. I can't even tell you how happy I am to see posters of Sean Bean on the Iron Throne all over the subway! It's like fandom is taking over the real world! I watched some of the previews from the HBO site and I'm amazed how faithful to the books they're being. I'm looking forward to seeing if the actual show lives up to my hopes.

Everything else I'd talk about is related to work, which--the security at my job is crazy, I feel like Big Brother is always watching, plus this is the first Real Grown Up Corporate Job I've had, so I don't feel comfortable talking about it much. Alas.

Miss you all. (And I'm still reading! Just sporadically and not having as much time to comment, but I really do care about keeping up with everyone on my flist/circle.)

PS: Can you tell almost all the writing I've done recently has had to be either in list form or in Excel spreadsheets?

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

10zlaine texted me today to tell me that jerrymcl89 passed away suddenly on Friday. ww1614 has more information here.

I mostly knew Jerry from BAPS, the Spike mailing list, from back in 2002 or so, and spent time with him at a few BtVS-related events. (Remember the big party for him and kellyhk at Vulkon Tampa in 2003?) Even though we’d drifted fannishly, I always appreciated that Jerry kept in touch through LJ over all these years.

I’m really incredibly sad. I wasn’t super close to Jerry, but it always made me happy to exchange comments with him. Jerry was such a nice, calm, even-handed person, and I enjoyed hearing his perspective on pretty much anything, even if I disagreed. I always admired that he had such a clear, concise way of expressing his thoughts, and appreciated his wry sense of humor. He really was a very kind, special person.

My deepest sympathies to his family and to everyone who was close to him.

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

http://rusty-halo.com/wordpress/?p=2889

I have just managed to amuse myself greatly, and I feel compelled to share the entertainment with others who will understand.

I found a chart I made of “Men Who Are Or Once Were CUTE” as of January 1994, when I was eleven years old. This is like the prototypical document of the obsessive fangirl.

It’s an attempt to compile a list of every attractive male actor, ever. In alphabetical order, with a color-coded key to identify the traits of each one.

( Notice anything odd about the list of traits? )

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. Please click here to comment.
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I swear to god, you’d think I’m trying to choose the most random and obscure things to obsess over.

*goes back to sitting in the corner babbling to myself about David Bowie and Francis Crawford of Lymond*

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

http://rusty-halo.com/wordpress/?p=2668

I’m in the middle of week three of the hundred push ups program, which means I did 71 push ups tonight. Owwwwwwwwww. I’m doing the half-assed knee push ups, but still.

I’m doing this mainly because I didn’t believe it could possibly work (me doing 100 push ups after six weeks? I’ve never been able to do more than 15) and because I really need to start exercising again. I was doing so well last year; I was up to four half hour workouts a week, and lost 20 pounds. And then I got depressed, stopped exercising, and gained back all the weight. Ugh. So this seemed like a way to jump start the working out thing also.

I’ve also been busy cooking. I’m still following the Vegan Cooking for One meal plan. I like cooking and having a homemade meal every night, but I’m getting sick of the bland and unimaginative recipes in this book. Mushrooms, potatoes, rice, spaghetti, onions… c’mon, at least throw in one interesting thing per week! How about eggplant or … I don’t know, kumquats or something. Blah. But I’m taking photos and going to blog it on SuperVegan, so at least it’s good for something. :P

I’ve been really busy with Writercon, but we don’t have anything to announce yet. I’ve got my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to announce a city and hotel soon, though! Meanwhile I’m learning Drupal and spreadsheets.

I’ve been reading “Hamlet” on the subway to and from work. I’m trying not to get too excited, but I keep picturing David Tennant and OMG CAN’T WAIT FOR OCTOBER.

I’ve been catching some TV here and there. I decided that I adore Fraser’s boss, Meg Thatcher (lol), and that I’d rather watch a show about her. She’s kind of like a female Fraser: older and more cynical, but incredibly socially awkward and with that core idealism underneath. Just, she’s interesting, with her heart protected under so many layers of caution and professionalism, and her default reaction to assume the worst of everyone and to push people away. The last episode I saw was “We Are The Eggmen” so this could change; don’t spoil me for anything that’s coming up.

The next Doctor/Master episode is “The Claws of Axos.” Anything particular I should look out for in this one? I’ll probably start it on Sunday.

jaydk came over last weekend for more Doctor Who. I made a whole batch of banana split cupcakes, and we had a lot of fun. She agrees that “Terror of the Autons” is way more entertaining than “The War Games.” And “Journey’s End” feels more “official” now that we watched it together–although I’m highly amused that we had to pause it twice so that we could get into extended arguments. Ah, fangirls.

Tomorrow I’m taking the bus to Atlantic City to see Stone Temple Pilots. I’m stressing about this, not only because it’s apparently a money-driven mess with a relapsed lead singer, but because I hate Atlantic City. This was the only show I could get tickets to (they’re not playing NYC), so I bought a ticket with a blithe “Oh, I’ll find someone to go with me!” Which never happens, of course, and I end up alone at 12:30am in an empty corner of a casino parking garage, waiting for a bus that may or may not show up, with no human being in sight. I feel like it’s tempting fate to keep doing this. I even looked for a hotel room thinking maybe I’d stay overnight and take a daytime bus home, but Atlantic City hotels are absurdly expensive. So, late night bus. I probably won’t get murdered.

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This is a meme that's going around. I probably should've posted it yesterday, but whatever:

Lurkers out there, yo, today's your day. Whether you're a LJ-lurker or from someplace outside reading this journal, you are the reason this journal isn't locked by default. So, come out and say 'hi' or something. Tell me what you're doing here, how you feel, who you are, whatever. No need to be shy. Feel free to post anonymously!

I'm a bit curious about this, since I've been kind of friends-locking by default lately.

Robot soldiers. So creepy. Didn't these guys see "Terminator"?

I'm trying to think of 10 things I've done that most people probably haven't. Some of these things are kind of unmentionable, or depressing, or both, so I won't mention those. Let's see... what is there that is semi-interesting and suitable for public consumption?... I'm pretty boring, really....

1. Went to a different school every year for 6 years. (Most dramatic was going from living in the middle of the woods in Indiana and attending Catholic school to living in a tiny apartment 20 yards from the beach in Puerto Rico the next year. And going swimming pretty much every single day that year.)

2. Co-wrote, filmed, and edited a 10 minute student movie about zombies. (And a bunch of other silly amateur movies, but that was the best.)

3. Got a perfect score (800) on the verbal part of the SAT. I think I got a perfect score on the writing part of the PSAT, too; I got a National Merit Scholarship out of it.

4. Hung out backstage at music venues all over NYC--Irving Plaza was probably the biggest--and met lots of different bands (including the Genitorturers, Switchblade Symphony, Godhead...) all before age 20. And slept in Penn Station, multiple times, and went to school the next day.

5. Was in the front row of a Marilyn Manson concert in their heyday, against the barrier, getting purple bruises on my hip-bones and dodging body surfers. Met John 5 afterwards and got a photo.

6. Read thousands and thousands of Buffy fics, and archived about one thousand of them. (Well, probably most of you guys have read that many.)

7. Worked behind the scenes at a bunch of Buffy cons; probably the most amusing thing was Alexis Denisof running off in the middle of a photoshoot to go pee, and making an announcement about it to the line before he went.

8. Watched the three original Star Wars movies at least 500 times each, and can still recite entire scenes.

9. Was onstage for an hour in London in front of 800 people with a panel that included BtVS writer Jane Espenson. (paratti has also done this. ;)

10. Was on the front page of the local paper, in a photo and interview. (With 3 friends, after Columbine, trying to lessen the persecution of Goth kids.)