is a character having little sense of self that they want to let someone else have complete control over them.
See, to me those are two totally separate things. Someone wanting to let someone else have complete control over them? Sexy, in Mer world. At least in fiction. But someone wanting it *because* they have no sense of self, squicky. Big, big squick. Someone like that would be eaten up and destroyed by submission, and a dominant who wants a sub who'll be eaten up and destroyed is icky too.
But I don't at all believe that that's the only reason that someone *would* want that. I've got lots of room, in my mental model, for people who want to let someone else have complete control precisely because they have a strong sense of self and it is unthreatened by this, or by anything -- or even because it's *too* strong and this is what they need to balance it.
To me, so far, Pet is in the second category. For Spike, at least. It's a little too soon for me to say what's going on with Wes.
Which isn't to say you shouldn't be squicked by it. Your anti-kinks are your anti-kinks, and totally valid. Just saying it sounded to me like you're assuming that's the only motivation any character or person could have for such a desire, and I don't think that's true.
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Date: 2003-10-14 05:31 pm (UTC)See, to me those are two totally separate things. Someone wanting to let someone else have complete control over them? Sexy, in Mer world. At least in fiction. But someone wanting it *because* they have no sense of self, squicky. Big, big squick. Someone like that would be eaten up and destroyed by submission, and a dominant who wants a sub who'll be eaten up and destroyed is icky too.
But I don't at all believe that that's the only reason that someone *would* want that. I've got lots of room, in my mental model, for people who want to let someone else have complete control precisely because they have a strong sense of self and it is unthreatened by this, or by anything -- or even because it's *too* strong and this is what they need to balance it.
To me, so far, Pet is in the second category. For Spike, at least. It's a little too soon for me to say what's going on with Wes.
Which isn't to say you shouldn't be squicked by it. Your anti-kinks are your anti-kinks, and totally valid. Just saying it sounded to me like you're assuming that's the only motivation any character or person could have for such a desire, and I don't think that's true.
Mer