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[rusty_halo]

What? I missed Methos on Smallville? Goddammit, you people need to tell me these things!

I'll have to download that. Anyone know if he is recurring or just in one episode?

brighidestone has a great post here.

Tomorrow, I try to get Nine Inch Nails tickets. They are going to sell out in 2 seconds flat. Pray for me. (I want to see both NYC shows and both Philly shows, but I suspect I will be lucky to get tickets to even one.)

Hotmail is being a complete bitch; for the last few days it has been showing me an empty inbox, and only occasionally allowing me to actually see messages. I suppose I should make the switch to gmail... *sigh* It's just that I've had this hotmail account for 6 years or so, and it's so convenient to have everything in one place...

I need a new alias. drinkthepoison has got to go. But rustyhalo is way too common, and impossible to get without some weird permutation. I'm really surprised I got a fairly simple version of it for LJ.

Myspace.com is weird. I don't get the point of talking to strangers if it's not about fandom. WTF do normal people talk about? I don't even know. The weather?

I was talking to 10zlaine about this last night (for 5 1/2 hours, damn). Fandom is so nice for us socially awkward people because we can skip the excruciating smalltalk and go straight to the battle-to-the-death shipper wars and stuff like that. (Y'know, the fun parts of conversation where you actually care about what you're discussing.)

Also, I must say I am intensely amused by the fact that several members of KMFDM have Myspace accounts.

So, my research indicates that the place to go for decent KMFDM talk is the forums at theultraheavybeat.com. There doesn't seem to be anywhere decent for Raymond Watts talk; the choice is between thesickcity.com (nasty assholes) and raymondwatts.com (slobbering sycophants). *sigh*

Seven new messages and I can't see any of them. *kills hotmail*

Comments

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Social awkwardness - you said fandom is a good way to circumvent it because it allows you to skip the small talk. And I posited the hypothesis that it is because fandom is a language. Though there's more to it. It's a whole social phenomenon that gathers people with common interests, similar tastes and a certain way to look at the world.

You said we shouldn't make assumptions but I'm thinking you're referring to a more specific context than I am. Like, for instance, one mustn't assume all Spike fans like the character for the symbolism of nature vs. free will. (Just an example and a very specific one which could be vastly elaborated on.) While I'm approaching the subject from a broader perspective - the one you refer to on the second part of your comment. People who are actively involved in fandom, whichever fandom it is, use it as media to relate to the world around them, either through creative process or through rational analysis or emotional empathy.

Popular culture taking the place of the old myths (there's an almost religious feel to it - because God is dead and so we must look elsewhere for the fables that set the moral/ethical standards). That's one side to it.

The other being that it takes a determined kind of personality (or geekness *G*) to actually engage in fannish behaviour. And one's fannish choices increasingly reflect one's interests and concerns - the more specific you get, the greater the odds the subjects you're interested in will be similar to those of the other people who have identical fannish preferences. You don't necessarily have to share the same perspective - but the 'background questions' (about politics, gender, psychology, philosophy, sex, love, life - *everything*, like you said *G*), so to speak, will probably be very much alike.

So we're not really talking about vampires - we're talking about *the* everything. Even if when/if we're not actually conscious we're doing so.

Gah, I had forgotten how wanky I tend to get when I'm talking with you. I missed this. Huhn, I'll tell you a little secret - and I don't want you to think I'm trying to manipulate you into something nor am I trying to feel guilty. But every time I read a story I like I get this pang that I can no longer rec it to you. It was easy to keep in touch like that. Now it's harder. I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people without the 'fandom language'. But enough of that!

And because I have no shame OMG!! did you know I wrote Harry/Draco? :) New fandoms all around, hon! I'm glad you got your tickets - I don't even want to imagine what you paid for those. O_O

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

Ooh, you wrote Harry/Draco? I think maybe I remember that. Unfortunately the only HP pairing that has ever engaged me is R/S ... Sirius Black hits my buttons like you wouldn't believe. (I have a type. It's so fucking predictable.)

Man, I am sorry about not keeping up with the website/fanfic stuff. I really intended to, for a long time. I just get further and further away from it. You can still rec me stuff... I am thinking, like, maybe updating once a month, something like that, adding a few stories here and there. And there are still a bunch that I NEED to add, that I've gotten approval for. *guilts*

I know, you didn't intend to make me feel guilty. But I do feel very bad for not keeping up these responsibilities.

Ohhh yeah, that social awkwardness comment. It is very true. I just remember, like, the old days on BAPS when I first got into fandom. I got into the most amazing discussions with complete strangers, about stuff incredibly close to my heart: the nature of free will and choice, the possibility of redemption no matter how badly you've screwed up, etc. Spike gave us a common language, a metaphor with which we could discuss these issues in intimate detail. But the issues themselves went WAY beyond Spike, or the Buffyverse, or anything like that. And of course, we still do stuff like that on LJ... though I don't participate as often.

I am a big believer in the power of fiction to help people grow and understand the world. I think about everything in terms of metaphor. Popular culture is our new mythology, and I love treating it as such, and digging deeply into it instead of dismissing it out of hand.

I grew as a person because of Spike fandom. I got out of a shitty relationship because watching of watching S6 and yelling at Spike to stop letting that bitch treat him like shit. It got me thinking about power dynamics in a way I hadn't before, that was really healthy for me. And the same with the whole free will thing... I don't think Spike ever figured it out, really, but I certainly learned a lot about my own power of choice from analyzing that show.

I guess the one thing to be cautious about (which I don't think you're doing; it's just something I try to avoid myself) is making assumptions about people because of their fictional preferences. Like, for example, you support Buffy/Angel, so clearly you've never grown past an immature high-school type idea of romance. That's certainly not always true, though it may be for some people. Or, y'know, you support Spuffy because you think rape is okay. People make these assumptions are arguments all the time, when it should be common sense that we are all way more complicated, and different, than that.

And then there's the fact that I can have a fannish interest totally in common with someone, and yet we can be different in all other respects. This amuses me about my friendship with drujan, for example. We feel exactly the same way about Buffy (ie, we loathe her and would love to see her die a slow horrible death). Yet in real life, most of our ideas about gender and relationships tend to be almost opposite.

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Oh yes, I *did* in fact write Harry/Draco. *G* It's natural you remember since I didn't shut up about it for three months lol. You should reaaaad it! Ahah! I seem to remember doing this before – "oh Laura, you *must* read A/S!! You must! It's the rightest, bestest pairing ever!!" *snigger* But actually I think you'd like it – not for the pairing (it's not a shippy fic anyway), more for the message of it. Which is more of a question. I got the plotbunny for it out of Bush's re-election. ;) Sorry, can't help to pimp – read it sometime you're bored and have nothing better to do. Here you go. No strings attached, etc. (But I'm so proud of this fic and happy that I managed to pull it off that... yeah. :})

About the site/fanfic stuff. This is the part where I'm supposed to go "it's totally alright, you don't have to if you don't want to!! Stop feeling guilty!!!". But actually I think updating every once in a while is a good idea. I'm not trying to guilt-trip into something. It's just that – okay, you're obviously still having issues with this, feeling like it's your obligation, feeling guilty about not fulfilling your supposed 'responsibilities'. And it doesn't matter how much you try to rationalize it and try to convince yourself it doesn't matter – these things are a lot easier said than done. So I say – upload the fics you've already selected. It doesn't have to be all in one go, take it by stages. Stop after and assess – are you finished? Can you finally let it got? If so – cool. The end yay! And if not – you don't have to turn into mad archivist again. Go with a lighter approach, something to do for fun if and when you feel like it. I think there is still much enjoyment to be had out of this fandom – you said once the site started out as a collection of stories you liked and maybe if it reverts back to that it can be something fun again.

And if it never goes there and midway through it you find you're really done and you can put it behind your back and it's something you care about anymore – all of us we'll support you, you know that. Heh, it's not like we haven't said it ten thousand times already. I'd repeat the often reiterated advice "geez, girl!! Cut yourself some slack!" but it doesn't seem to be working so dunno – try this instead? Maybe it will work has final 'therapy' or something.

Spike gave us a common language, a metaphor with which we could discuss these issues in intimate detail. But the issues themselves went WAY beyond Spike, or the Buffyverse, or anything like that. And of course, we still do stuff like that on LJ... though I don't participate as often.

I am a big believer in the power of fiction to help people grow and understand the world.

For me it wasn't just Spike himself – largely, yes but not exclusively and over time that expanded to include the whole verse – but gods, YES! To all of it. These shows make me think so much and about so many different things. It constantly makes me question my views and understand the reasons behind them and has helped me through some really shitty times. From researching Chaos Theory (dude, for "Shells"!) to figuring out why is it that I ship A/S (I've figured it out this week – I'm still more than a little boggled), the ways in which it has influenced me cannot be counted and have been both enlightening and enriching.

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(Oh look! I've exceeded word limit again. Quelle surprise.)

And fandom brought me so many wonderful people. :) Even if I'm still a little wary of it and mainly still keep to myself here on LJ. LJ tends to be a little too personal (in that you are a clearly established persona in a much more objective way than on boards and yahoo groups where you're just another person contributing to the discussion or the squee) and, at the same time, a little too public (in that it functions as a miniature society) – its focus has shifted from fiction (both canon and fanfiction) to a more inclusive dynamics. I'm not being very specific but I think you get what I'm trying to say – the last few kerfuffles were illustrative. :|

I still prefer the small group interactions with people I know and like and trust. So yeah, I get you not participating as often 'cause I'm in the same position. I got what you're saying about assumptions – I think too many people do this. I try to avoid them myself but I also think that LJ's format contributes to it. LJ is wonderful to bring together the people you care about – but it also has quite a few not so bright sides.

(And sorry about taking this long to reply.)