Psychoanalyzing Brian Kinney
Apr. 27th, 2005 11:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rusty_haloThis morning I had to give my roommate a lecture about how if he's going to use my dishes, he has to wash them and put them away afterward, not leave them dirty and sitting on my kitchen counter for three days.
I hate this. I feel like I'm babysitting a teenage boy instead of living with another adult.
But hey, at least he's rarely home.
I've been re-reading![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chase820's story, The Man Who Wasn't There, which is so good it hurts. I read it the first time without knowing who Brian was, so obviously I'm getting a lot more out of it now. I've been checking out a few other QaF stories, but this is by far the most satisfying. (If you somehow missed it, it's a QaF/AtS crossover, which is sort of Brian/Michael and Spike/Angel, but is building toward Spike/Brian. Squee!)
I finished Queer as Folk season four, but I'm blocking it from my mind, so I will not mention it again. I should've just thrown the $96 in the gutter.
I've been rewatching season one for the third time. The first time I watch something I try to be open minded about all the characters, to understand where they're all coming from. By the third viewing, I know who I like and who I hate. And why is it that I usually hate the vast majority of characters on TV shows that I watch? There are a few characters I adore, but for the rest my feelings vary from apathy to irritation to overwhelming repulsion.
Like with the Buffyverse... I adored Spike, liked Anya, was okay with Tara, was apathetic toward Willow, and despised Buffy, Angel, Giles, and Xander. And now with QaF: I adore Brian, like Michael, vary in my feelings toward Emmett, am apathetic toward Ben, dislike Debbie and Justin, and cannot stand Ted, Lindsay, Melanie, or David.
It's weird, how powerful these feelings are, given that I've only been watching the show, what, two and a half weeks? I instantly fast forward through anything with David, and even hearing Lindsay or Melanie's voice makes me feel the urge to do violence. (I swear to god, if I have to hear Melanie harping on Brian one more time, or Lindsay giving her weak pathetic spineless little lectures about how everyone should live bland little waspy lives like she does...)
Anyway. But I love the Brian stuff, and especially Brian's interactions with Michael. It just hits, like, every character and relationship kink I have. Brian's refusal to conform, his insistence on being who he is no matter what anyone else says, even his ability to use and manipulate others in order to get what he wants. His shamelessness: his refusal to play the silly little cultural games that we're all taught--he's so honest. I love that he won't say he's sorry when he's not, and I adore his disregard for religion. I love his lack of interest in pomp and ceremony, his repulsion toward marriage and domesticity. I love that when he cares about someone, he shows it through his actions, instead of through bullshit sentimental hearts and flowers romantic nonsense. I love that he has his own code, his own integrity, and lives by it.
And now I attempt to psychoanalyze Brian. It's fun! Read it and join in.
Brian is a disillusioned idealist. His cynicism, the walls he builds around himself--they're a protective mechanism, a way to keep other people from getting close so that they can't hurt him. After seeing his horrendous parents, it's no surprise at all that he learned this from a young age. Doesn't he even tell his son that it's an important lesson that you can't rely on dad? And he's always insisting that the only person you can depend on is yourself.
These protective mechanisms function as both strengths and weaknesses. Believing that the only person you can rely on is yourself is incredibly powerful: it means that you take full responsibility for your actions. This is what gave Brian the strength to survive his fucked-up family and become professionally successful. It's what gives him the strength to be who he is no matter what anyone else thinks.
But it's a weakness because the disillusioned idealist is still, deep down, an idealist beneath it all--his outrage comes because, underneath his cynicism, he sees things that are wrong and is still hurt by the injustice. (Like with his father--he spends the whole first father episode insisting that he stopped giving a fuck about his father a long time ago, and then at the end we see him visiting his dad and then crying because his father still won't give him the love/acceptance/support that, underneath the cynicism, he desperately needs.)
This is where the thing with Michael comes in, and fascinates me, because it's like Michael is the only one who has never disappointed Brian, the only one about whom Brian isn't cynical. The only person on the planet who Brian will admit he loves and will be there for.
As much as that cancer story in season four sucked ass, it illustrates the differing ways that Brian interacts with Michael and Justin. He knows Michael will always be there for him, and he lets Michael see his weakness, whereas he violently throws Justin out, presumably getting rid of Justin before Justin can see him weak and leave him. That deep utter trust just isn't there with anyone except Michael. (And rightly, in my opinion, because Justin is way too immature and fickle to be reliably there for Brian--exhibit A: Ethan. And Justin is young and should be living his own life, putting himself first, not being responsible for Brian Kinney's sanity. But that's a whole other story and probably a huge kerfuffle just waiting to happen, and I don't give enough of a crap about Justin to want to continue talking about him.)
Michael is the only one Brian trusts enough to reveal his true self, the person underneath the layers of cynicism. Michael, for years, has been seeing the real Brian, and still loving him despite all his flaws. Michael's the only one Brian will cry in front of, and also the only one who can see Brian taking off the cool mask and being a dork (their "band," playing at the comic book convention, etc.). And they understand each other, know each other so well--one glance and they can tell what the other is thinking. That fascinates me--that is a meaningful relationship, not some hearts and flowers romance bullshit.
(You know I've ranted here before about my issues with friendships, and especially really close high school friendships. I won't get into those fucked-up details, just wanted to mention that this is probably a large part of why Brian/Michael totally pushes my buttons and pulls at my heartstrings and you know, all that.)
And of course, there's a million reasons why Michael sticks around for Brian, which I'm not going to get deeply into because I'm interested in psychoanalyzing Brian, not Michael. But basically Michael didn't have a father, he was all obsessed with superheroes, and now he looks up to Brian like his personal superhero. (Um, anviliciously illustrated by the Rage comic book thing.)
And Brian, with all his cynicism and suppressed rage, would probably be one ruthlessly heartless asshole if Michael wasn't in his life. Michael humanizes Brian--he's basically the only thing that humanizes Brian. There was some line, sort of a throwaway, where Brian says something like he joined chemistry club in high school so he could build the bomb to blow up the school, but Mikey talked him out of it. That's true, figuratively if not literally: Michael's the one thing that keeps Brian from losing it, from acting out his worst impulses. Michael brings Brian's inner idealist out from under the layers of cynicism.
[I should note that I've only seen seasons two, three, and four once, all within the past two weeks, and I haven't read much of any QaF fandom discussion, so I'm probably totally missing or misstating some things. Sorry in advance.]
I hate this. I feel like I'm babysitting a teenage boy instead of living with another adult.
But hey, at least he's rarely home.
I've been re-reading
chase820's story, The Man Who Wasn't There, which is so good it hurts. I read it the first time without knowing who Brian was, so obviously I'm getting a lot more out of it now. I've been checking out a few other QaF stories, but this is by far the most satisfying. (If you somehow missed it, it's a QaF/AtS crossover, which is sort of Brian/Michael and Spike/Angel, but is building toward Spike/Brian. Squee!)I finished Queer as Folk season four, but I'm blocking it from my mind, so I will not mention it again. I should've just thrown the $96 in the gutter.
I've been rewatching season one for the third time. The first time I watch something I try to be open minded about all the characters, to understand where they're all coming from. By the third viewing, I know who I like and who I hate. And why is it that I usually hate the vast majority of characters on TV shows that I watch? There are a few characters I adore, but for the rest my feelings vary from apathy to irritation to overwhelming repulsion.
Like with the Buffyverse... I adored Spike, liked Anya, was okay with Tara, was apathetic toward Willow, and despised Buffy, Angel, Giles, and Xander. And now with QaF: I adore Brian, like Michael, vary in my feelings toward Emmett, am apathetic toward Ben, dislike Debbie and Justin, and cannot stand Ted, Lindsay, Melanie, or David.
It's weird, how powerful these feelings are, given that I've only been watching the show, what, two and a half weeks? I instantly fast forward through anything with David, and even hearing Lindsay or Melanie's voice makes me feel the urge to do violence. (I swear to god, if I have to hear Melanie harping on Brian one more time, or Lindsay giving her weak pathetic spineless little lectures about how everyone should live bland little waspy lives like she does...)
Anyway. But I love the Brian stuff, and especially Brian's interactions with Michael. It just hits, like, every character and relationship kink I have. Brian's refusal to conform, his insistence on being who he is no matter what anyone else says, even his ability to use and manipulate others in order to get what he wants. His shamelessness: his refusal to play the silly little cultural games that we're all taught--he's so honest. I love that he won't say he's sorry when he's not, and I adore his disregard for religion. I love his lack of interest in pomp and ceremony, his repulsion toward marriage and domesticity. I love that when he cares about someone, he shows it through his actions, instead of through bullshit sentimental hearts and flowers romantic nonsense. I love that he has his own code, his own integrity, and lives by it.
And now I attempt to psychoanalyze Brian. It's fun! Read it and join in.
Brian is a disillusioned idealist. His cynicism, the walls he builds around himself--they're a protective mechanism, a way to keep other people from getting close so that they can't hurt him. After seeing his horrendous parents, it's no surprise at all that he learned this from a young age. Doesn't he even tell his son that it's an important lesson that you can't rely on dad? And he's always insisting that the only person you can depend on is yourself.
These protective mechanisms function as both strengths and weaknesses. Believing that the only person you can rely on is yourself is incredibly powerful: it means that you take full responsibility for your actions. This is what gave Brian the strength to survive his fucked-up family and become professionally successful. It's what gives him the strength to be who he is no matter what anyone else thinks.
But it's a weakness because the disillusioned idealist is still, deep down, an idealist beneath it all--his outrage comes because, underneath his cynicism, he sees things that are wrong and is still hurt by the injustice. (Like with his father--he spends the whole first father episode insisting that he stopped giving a fuck about his father a long time ago, and then at the end we see him visiting his dad and then crying because his father still won't give him the love/acceptance/support that, underneath the cynicism, he desperately needs.)
This is where the thing with Michael comes in, and fascinates me, because it's like Michael is the only one who has never disappointed Brian, the only one about whom Brian isn't cynical. The only person on the planet who Brian will admit he loves and will be there for.
As much as that cancer story in season four sucked ass, it illustrates the differing ways that Brian interacts with Michael and Justin. He knows Michael will always be there for him, and he lets Michael see his weakness, whereas he violently throws Justin out, presumably getting rid of Justin before Justin can see him weak and leave him. That deep utter trust just isn't there with anyone except Michael. (And rightly, in my opinion, because Justin is way too immature and fickle to be reliably there for Brian--exhibit A: Ethan. And Justin is young and should be living his own life, putting himself first, not being responsible for Brian Kinney's sanity. But that's a whole other story and probably a huge kerfuffle just waiting to happen, and I don't give enough of a crap about Justin to want to continue talking about him.)
Michael is the only one Brian trusts enough to reveal his true self, the person underneath the layers of cynicism. Michael, for years, has been seeing the real Brian, and still loving him despite all his flaws. Michael's the only one Brian will cry in front of, and also the only one who can see Brian taking off the cool mask and being a dork (their "band," playing at the comic book convention, etc.). And they understand each other, know each other so well--one glance and they can tell what the other is thinking. That fascinates me--that is a meaningful relationship, not some hearts and flowers romance bullshit.
(You know I've ranted here before about my issues with friendships, and especially really close high school friendships. I won't get into those fucked-up details, just wanted to mention that this is probably a large part of why Brian/Michael totally pushes my buttons and pulls at my heartstrings and you know, all that.)
And of course, there's a million reasons why Michael sticks around for Brian, which I'm not going to get deeply into because I'm interested in psychoanalyzing Brian, not Michael. But basically Michael didn't have a father, he was all obsessed with superheroes, and now he looks up to Brian like his personal superhero. (Um, anviliciously illustrated by the Rage comic book thing.)
And Brian, with all his cynicism and suppressed rage, would probably be one ruthlessly heartless asshole if Michael wasn't in his life. Michael humanizes Brian--he's basically the only thing that humanizes Brian. There was some line, sort of a throwaway, where Brian says something like he joined chemistry club in high school so he could build the bomb to blow up the school, but Mikey talked him out of it. That's true, figuratively if not literally: Michael's the one thing that keeps Brian from losing it, from acting out his worst impulses. Michael brings Brian's inner idealist out from under the layers of cynicism.
[I should note that I've only seen seasons two, three, and four once, all within the past two weeks, and I haven't read much of any QaF fandom discussion, so I'm probably totally missing or misstating some things. Sorry in advance.]
