Psychoanalyzing Brian Kinney

[rusty_halo]

This morning I had to give my roommate a lecture about how if he's going to use my dishes, he has to wash them and put them away afterward, not leave them dirty and sitting on my kitchen counter for three days.

I hate this. I feel like I'm babysitting a teenage boy instead of living with another adult.

But hey, at least he's rarely home.

I've been re-reading chase820's story, The Man Who Wasn't There, which is so good it hurts. I read it the first time without knowing who Brian was, so obviously I'm getting a lot more out of it now. I've been checking out a few other QaF stories, but this is by far the most satisfying. (If you somehow missed it, it's a QaF/AtS crossover, which is sort of Brian/Michael and Spike/Angel, but is building toward Spike/Brian. Squee!)

I finished Queer as Folk season four, but I'm blocking it from my mind, so I will not mention it again. I should've just thrown the $96 in the gutter.

I've been rewatching season one for the third time. The first time I watch something I try to be open minded about all the characters, to understand where they're all coming from. By the third viewing, I know who I like and who I hate. And why is it that I usually hate the vast majority of characters on TV shows that I watch? There are a few characters I adore, but for the rest my feelings vary from apathy to irritation to overwhelming repulsion.

Like with the Buffyverse... I adored Spike, liked Anya, was okay with Tara, was apathetic toward Willow, and despised Buffy, Angel, Giles, and Xander. And now with QaF: I adore Brian, like Michael, vary in my feelings toward Emmett, am apathetic toward Ben, dislike Debbie and Justin, and cannot stand Ted, Lindsay, Melanie, or David.

It's weird, how powerful these feelings are, given that I've only been watching the show, what, two and a half weeks? I instantly fast forward through anything with David, and even hearing Lindsay or Melanie's voice makes me feel the urge to do violence. (I swear to god, if I have to hear Melanie harping on Brian one more time, or Lindsay giving her weak pathetic spineless little lectures about how everyone should live bland little waspy lives like she does...)

Anyway. But I love the Brian stuff, and especially Brian's interactions with Michael. It just hits, like, every character and relationship kink I have. Brian's refusal to conform, his insistence on being who he is no matter what anyone else says, even his ability to use and manipulate others in order to get what he wants. His shamelessness: his refusal to play the silly little cultural games that we're all taught--he's so honest. I love that he won't say he's sorry when he's not, and I adore his disregard for religion. I love his lack of interest in pomp and ceremony, his repulsion toward marriage and domesticity. I love that when he cares about someone, he shows it through his actions, instead of through bullshit sentimental hearts and flowers romantic nonsense. I love that he has his own code, his own integrity, and lives by it.

And now I attempt to psychoanalyze Brian. It's fun! Read it and join in.

Brian is a disillusioned idealist. His cynicism, the walls he builds around himself--they're a protective mechanism, a way to keep other people from getting close so that they can't hurt him. After seeing his horrendous parents, it's no surprise at all that he learned this from a young age. Doesn't he even tell his son that it's an important lesson that you can't rely on dad? And he's always insisting that the only person you can depend on is yourself.

These protective mechanisms function as both strengths and weaknesses. Believing that the only person you can rely on is yourself is incredibly powerful: it means that you take full responsibility for your actions. This is what gave Brian the strength to survive his fucked-up family and become professionally successful. It's what gives him the strength to be who he is no matter what anyone else thinks.

But it's a weakness because the disillusioned idealist is still, deep down, an idealist beneath it all--his outrage comes because, underneath his cynicism, he sees things that are wrong and is still hurt by the injustice. (Like with his father--he spends the whole first father episode insisting that he stopped giving a fuck about his father a long time ago, and then at the end we see him visiting his dad and then crying because his father still won't give him the love/acceptance/support that, underneath the cynicism, he desperately needs.)

This is where the thing with Michael comes in, and fascinates me, because it's like Michael is the only one who has never disappointed Brian, the only one about whom Brian isn't cynical. The only person on the planet who Brian will admit he loves and will be there for.

As much as that cancer story in season four sucked ass, it illustrates the differing ways that Brian interacts with Michael and Justin. He knows Michael will always be there for him, and he lets Michael see his weakness, whereas he violently throws Justin out, presumably getting rid of Justin before Justin can see him weak and leave him. That deep utter trust just isn't there with anyone except Michael. (And rightly, in my opinion, because Justin is way too immature and fickle to be reliably there for Brian--exhibit A: Ethan. And Justin is young and should be living his own life, putting himself first, not being responsible for Brian Kinney's sanity. But that's a whole other story and probably a huge kerfuffle just waiting to happen, and I don't give enough of a crap about Justin to want to continue talking about him.)

Michael is the only one Brian trusts enough to reveal his true self, the person underneath the layers of cynicism. Michael, for years, has been seeing the real Brian, and still loving him despite all his flaws. Michael's the only one Brian will cry in front of, and also the only one who can see Brian taking off the cool mask and being a dork (their "band," playing at the comic book convention, etc.). And they understand each other, know each other so well--one glance and they can tell what the other is thinking. That fascinates me--that is a meaningful relationship, not some hearts and flowers romance bullshit.

(You know I've ranted here before about my issues with friendships, and especially really close high school friendships. I won't get into those fucked-up details, just wanted to mention that this is probably a large part of why Brian/Michael totally pushes my buttons and pulls at my heartstrings and you know, all that.)

And of course, there's a million reasons why Michael sticks around for Brian, which I'm not going to get deeply into because I'm interested in psychoanalyzing Brian, not Michael. But basically Michael didn't have a father, he was all obsessed with superheroes, and now he looks up to Brian like his personal superhero. (Um, anviliciously illustrated by the Rage comic book thing.)

And Brian, with all his cynicism and suppressed rage, would probably be one ruthlessly heartless asshole if Michael wasn't in his life. Michael humanizes Brian--he's basically the only thing that humanizes Brian. There was some line, sort of a throwaway, where Brian says something like he joined chemistry club in high school so he could build the bomb to blow up the school, but Mikey talked him out of it. That's true, figuratively if not literally: Michael's the one thing that keeps Brian from losing it, from acting out his worst impulses. Michael brings Brian's inner idealist out from under the layers of cynicism.

[I should note that I've only seen seasons two, three, and four once, all within the past two weeks, and I haven't read much of any QaF fandom discussion, so I'm probably totally missing or misstating some things. Sorry in advance.]

Comments

[10zlaine.livejournal.com]

It's funny, because when we were watching, all I wanted to do was fast-forward through the David, but it was new to you so I sat through it...heee!

And actually, you didn't like Justin by the 2nd episode of your first viewing...and your "love" for him certainly diminished with each scene of whining.

I like what you had to say about Brian. I get that part of him--he's so deeply ambivalent about things, so he just goes with the half that supposedly couldn't care less about anything, because it's what keeps him sane.

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

David is so self-righteous, smarmy, pretentious, condescending, boring, controlling, stuck-up, and ridiculous. He repulses me so utterly that I can't even stand to see his face--it's hard even to watch the scenes with him and Brian.

It's so obvious, in retrospect, that he and Michael had nothing whatsoever in common. There was no spark between them at all--we never see Michael having any real connection or strong feelings for David. All we see is Michael's unbelievably controlling family and friends telling him how perfect David is for him (as soon as they know David's a doctor, before they even meet him). Michael wants to be with David because he's the "grown up" choice, and sort of half-heartedly pursues him out of obligation. And David wants to be with Michael because he wants a little "girlfriend" to prop him up, with no interest whatsoever in who Michael actually is. They're so painfully, utterly wrong for each other.

And this whole idea that you have to abandon your friends in order to "grow up" and be in a relationship...? Huh?

And Debbie, that meddling bitch...! Her, and Lindsay, and Justin, all these ignorant, banal, wishy-washy people going around self-righteously lecturing others about how to live their lives, as if they have ANY clue!?

And actually, you didn't like Justin by the 2nd episode of your first viewing...and your "love" for him certainly diminished with each scene of whining.

Well, I hated Justin at first, because he was so weak and pathetic and clueless. How naive can you be? To be honest, a lot of my repulsion was self-hatred, because he reminded me strongly of me at that age--the complete utter moron I was at that age. I liked him better when he started to grow up a bit--I liked that his reaction to Brian's rejection wasn't to sit around and mope or use emotional blackmail or whatever, but was instead to get up off his ass and prove himself. That was admirable. But then he got whinier, and his constant harping and wanting to change Brian is just so stupid; Brian shouldn't be nagged constantly to change, especially by someone who's supposed to love him for who he is.

And, y'know, their sex is hot and their power games are interesting because they're pretty much matched at this point. But there's no deep emotional connection there, nothing even close to the Brian/Michael connection.

[chase820.livejournal.com]

Wow, our views on QaF are so remarkably similar. Right down to which characters we like and don't like.

I loved your thoughts on Brian--I could talk about his character for hours on end.

Michael is the only one Brian trusts enough to reveal his true self, the person underneath the layers of cynicism.

This is where I find the sexiness in their relationship. Brian's reduced sex to something about as meaningful as opening the refrigerator door, so to me it doesn't matter all that much that he and Michael have never shagged. In fact, I take it as a sign of how much he loves Michael that he's never had sex with him. He's clearly attracted to him, and it's not in Brian's nature to deny himself something he wants. But he denies himself Michael.

(And what's so beautiful about it is that it's not merely an altruistic decision. There's a lot of manipulation there, too--if he doesn't give Michael what he wants, Michael will always be there. By not having him, he'll have him forever.)

What makes their relationship hot to me is the bone-deep trust between the two characters. The fact that they see each other clearly and still love each other completely. So often on the series it's made out that Michael perceives Brian through a haze of neediness and hero-worship, but to my mind Michael is the only one who sees Brian clearly, because he's the only who ever sees Brian without the Rage superhero mask. That's why it burns me when the other characters talk about how Justin is so good for Brian because he can almost put up with all Brian's bullshit. Michael's been putting up with it for nearly twenty years, and with way less whining along the way.

I think the problem with shipping Brian/Michael on camera is that it's pretty clear that Hal Sparks is uncomfortable with the sex scenes. He's gotten better over the years, but there's a stiffness in his posture that still comes through. In fanfic, of course, there's no such problem, so one can write hot Brian/Michael without worrying about Hal's Straight Man Flinch.

And Brian, with all his cynicism and suppressed rage, would probably be one ruthlessly heartless asshole if Michael wasn't in his life. Michael humanizes Brian--he's basically the only thing that humanizes Brian.

That's the crux of TMWWT. Mustangsally put it best, I think--during one of our writer/beta convos about the story, she said that Michael is Brian's soul. That's why I've written him as so scary and lost in the story. Unable to see the better reflection of himself in Michael's eyes, he doesn't know himself at all. I'm literalizing this by making Brian a target for the various vamp factions in LA, but it works on a metaphorical level as well. Without Michael, Brian loses what little humanity he possesses.