Sam’s love for Dean?

[rusty_halo]

I keep reading in meta and fic about much Dean and Sam both love each other, and I keep hearing complaints that many people can't get into season six because Sam doesn't seem to love Dean as much (or at all) anymore.

Obviously something's really wrong with Sam right now, but I've been thinking about why the brothers' estrangement doesn't bother me so much, and it's hit me that I've never quite bought into the idea that Sam loves Dean anywhere near as much as Dean loves Sam. I think at times the show wants me to believe it--after all, it was Sam's love for Dean that allowed him to overcome Lucifer at the end of season five.

But most often we see Sam's love not as something that comes spontaneously from Sam, but as a response to Dean:

* Season one is all about Sam looking back on his unhappy childhood with adult eyes and realizing how much Dean sacrificed for him and needs him now.
* Dean sells his soul for Sam so of course Sam responds by trying to save Dean.
* Dean shows up to die so that Sam won't die alone and it inspires Sam to overcome Lucifer.

All of these are predicated by a sacrifice from Dean, and Sam's response can be read as guilt and obligation as much as love.

And the show also presents:

* Sam as the one who chose to leave his family in the first place.
* Sam not saving Dean from hell; he says he tried, but it only took a month or two before he gave up on Dean and shifted his focus toward vengeance.
* Sam choosing Ruby over Dean, and leaving Dean beaten and half-strangled on the floor.
* Sam's heaven consisting entirely of moments he escaped from his family (and no, I don't think there's any canonical evidence that this was a manipulation by Zachariah).

I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing. Sam's attitude is the more mature and emotionally healthy; he loves Dean but he also recognizes the need to move on, to live his own life and to maintain relationships outside of his family.

But all this stuff about how Sam loves Dean so much? I'm just not feeling it. Sure, Sam does love Dean, but a lot of Sam's emotions toward Dean seem more like a mix of guilt and obligation because he knows how much Dean needs him and how much Dean has sacrificed for him. And we frequently see Sam feeling suffocated by Dean, contemptuous of Dean, and wanting to get away from Dean.

I'm not ripping on Sam--I actually think he's the more emotionally healthy of the two, at least pre-season four--but I also just don't see the epic love fandom keeps talking about. (But maybe part of this is that I just don't get Sam as a character, whereas I totally connect with Dean. I also love people in ways that are desperate and needy and all-consuming, even though I recognize how stressful and suffocating it can be to be loved in that way. And I'm particularly not-bothered by season six because Dean's relationship with Lisa actually seems like a healthy progression for him.)

Anyway, I'm posting this because I am totally open to being convinced otherwise. If you think the epic love story is also epic on Sam's side, I'd love to hear why.

(Follow-up post here.)

Originally published at rusty-halo.com. You can comment here or there.

Comments

[rusty_halo]

I wasn't clear how you could see Sam's feelings as something that were reactive specifically to Dean, and not Dean's as something that were equally reactive. I think, for example, if one looks at Dean's feelings about his parents their origin becomes a lot clearer.

I think what I was getting at there was that Dean's love for Sam is the primary thing driving his character and the actions he takes within the story (often in negative ways because his love is so unhealthily codependent). Sam's story is driven more by other things (his need to assert his independence, his grappling with moral issues, and his struggle with his own anger and arrogance).

I'm not saying that Dean's love for Sam is "better," but that I don't find Sam's love for Dean as compelling. Your comment did make me realize that a lot of this is due to the way the narrative is structured; Dean's love for Sam is more integral to the nature and development of his character than Sam's love for Dean is.