(no subject)

[rusty_halo]

For one class this semester, I have to read 15 novels, write journal responses to each, do a 30 minute research presentation, and write a 15 page paper. That's just one class. I'm taking four.

In addition to four classes, I have to prepare for my colloquium, which involves becoming intimately familiar with 25 books from various eras, writing up a "rationale", and talking about it while being questioned by a room full of strangers for several hours.

In addition to class and homework and research papers and exams and graduation, I'm also working almost 30 hours a week. I co-run the web department at work, where I have a lot of responsibility, so I need to be all there.

Something has to give. I've already quit reading my Yahoo groups (though I occasionally check in on BAPS, and I intend, at some point, to read through the fic I've missed on Salvation and the Gutter). That leaves LJ and the website. I want to keep going with the website, I really do, even though it drives me crazy sometimes. Because it's rewarding to help wonderful stories reach a wider audience, and I think it's a valuable thing to do.

So what does that leave to get rid of? Well, LJ. I do not have time to read the 222 people on my LJ friends' list, despite the fact that I get something out of every single one, and I still feel the lack of the 5 or 6 people I unfriended last week. I've enjoyed getting to know some wonderful people on here, but I'm starting to think that the bad outweighs the good.

I'm sick of people purposely misinterpreting other peoples' opinions just so they can get outraged and make a show of what a victim they are, or how righteous they are for "taking a stand." I'm sick of people being oversensitive and taking every teeny tiny little thing personally and freaking out about it. I'm sick of things turned into gigantic kerfuffles that would be laughed off if we were all just sitting around chatting in RL. I'm sick of seeing people I like and respect tear each other apart over nothing. I'm sick of feeling uncomfortable around people I respect because I think maybe they dislike me over some imagined LJ slight. I'm sick of being paranoid that every single word I type, no matter how innocuous it seems, could be used against me in some giant stupid kerfuffle. I'm sick of not feeling comfortable with anyone because someone I thought I was cool with yesterday could turn around and hate me tomorrow. I'm sick of being judged and stereotyped because I hold certain opinions about fictional characters or about genres of fanfiction. I've just had it. This isn't fun anymore.

Anyway, I don't really know what to do. I don't really want to give up LJ; it always makes me so sad to see people I like leaving. But is there a way to keep the rewarding aspects of LJ and get rid of the irritating ones? For now, I'm going to try reading only a custom friends' group of about 15 people that I trust, people I've either met in RL or know well enough online that I know they're not going to freak out over nothing. I'm also going to strictly enforce a policy that I will not comment on the journal of someone that I do not know exremely well, because I'm sick of seeing my words misinterpreted and used against me when all I wanted to do was let them know I agreed or I was reading or I hope they feel better or I thought their post was interesting or whatever.

We'll see.

The good news: in all the hours of running around NYC between classes, carrying heavy bags full of heavy books that are still making my back ache, I managed to stop for a few minutes and pick up poster frames for my Chance poster and my Spike/Angel (AtS Season 5) poster. The S/A poster looks so cool sitting atop the (non-functional, but very neat looking) fireplace in my bedroom. And it looks ever slashier from a distance. And it's signed. (The signature is all sloppy, but I've managed to convince myself that's because JM was distracted because he was just so delighted to see me again, and has nothing to do with the fact that he'd been sitting there for hours signing autographs and his hand was probably very tired). :)

Also: I know I have LJ comments to reply to and emails to reply to and stories to update and archive and change and whatever else. I'm working on it. I apologize for all delays and slowness and whatever else; it's not meant as rudeness, honestly.

Comments

[10zlaine.livejournal.com]

Give us a list of the books you have to read. You never know who might have some supplemental info that might help...

*SIGH*

[chenanceou.livejournal.com]

For all the reasons you mentioned above, I pretty much stick to a v. small group of people here. I stay out of the battles over nothing and use the LJ to see what is going on in the lives of people I actually know&like.
I know... It was more fun when it was all about trading ideas and getting to know new people. But I tend to not keep my mouth shut when I see people being asses to each other over a show, ship or anything that has no real meaning in RL. I keep saying - real people are behind all those outrageous handles. And with real people come real feelings.
Well hon, it seems you have your plate full over there (obligatory wish I was in NY comment here) and should really focus. Just don't stop posting - I like to know what the young and beautiful are up to. ;-)
Chen who is suffering from severe cabin fever

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

I don't envy you! Kerfuffles can be *so* draining (especially because, as you say, we'd all be laughing and polite if we were discussing the topics in person), so I steadfastly stay away from them (however strong my opinions on any given subject), but I know from my experience with other 'net communities that the longer one is around the more difficult it is to avoid the arguments. If I were in your position, with all of the responsibilties that you have, I too would be trying to cut back on things that were emotionally draining; LJ certainly can be. You have to figure out what is worth the drain and what isn't.

So, basically, I wish you good luck finding a balance!

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

Gah. Getting the syllabus is always traumatic :(

The signature is all sloppy, but I've managed to convince myself that's because JM was distracted because he was just so delighted to see me again, and has nothing to do with the fact that he'd been sitting there for hours signing autographs and his hand was probably very tired.

Damn straight! You're his convention buddy after all!

I'll miss you having an easily accessible online presence, but we'll keep in touch :)

[bubonicplague.livejournal.com]

You suck because your opinion isn't mine! ;)

[miggy.livejournal.com]

Do what you have to do, babe, and don't sweat it. Well, I know you'll sweat it from your end, because you care about how other people feel, and that's a great thing. But tend to yourself before you worry about how someone will take it.

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

One of the advantages of LJ over normal message boards is that you can choose who's posts to see/read. The importance of friending seems to undermine that advantage. If LJ stresses you, do what others do. Lurk. Write your posts but disable replies and don't go where the kerfuffles are.
Using custom groups helps too.
LJ is incredibly time consuming. And I'm not insulted if you don't read my verbose posts. I swear. You do what keeps you sane and happy. Fandom is supposed to be fun! *smooch*

One thing you could do is find someone who helps you keep track of good fic, someone who helps with AAS. If you like I can rec fic to you if I come across good stories. I'm glad you want to keep the archive.

As for the fandom kerfuffles: it's just human to get agitated. People are bored. It's a long summer. We are all waiting for AtS to start...

Angel Countdown, Oct 1st, 9pm EST: T- 27:00:47

[ozfan.livejournal.com]

Laura, you could suddenly say "anyone who loves Spike is a fucked up asshat" and I'd still lurve you. So do what you have to do, realize everyone's emotions are running high because we're still anxiously awaiting the Angel premiere, and enjoy your gorgeous self as much as possible.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

::Hugs you::

Do what you have to do and try not to stress about it.

[ex-devilpigl935.livejournal.com]

Do whatever keeps you sane and happy. We'll keep in touch regardless. Take care of yourself!

[carolyn-claire.livejournal.com]

I boggle at your schedule. Wow. At least you're young and have the energy for it - oy, your life would bury me in less than a week.

I don't know how people with hundreds of friends listed read them all - filters, I guess. I have trouble keeping up with my very limited list, sometimes, which is why it's very limited. Don't feel bad about needing to limit your lj reading. It's not really about 'friends', you know (stupid term), it's about reading. You can only manage what you can manage.

I'm glad you're not entirely leaving lj. You're a bright, kerfuffle-free spot in my reading. :) Just take care of yourself, and try not to stress.

[queenofthorns.livejournal.com]

See, I'm not going to send one of those "whatever it takes to make you happy" messages because actually, I'm all angst-ridden and just want to ask "did I make the cut? Did I? Did I?" ;) 'Cause I'm thinking that 1) I have met Laura in real life and hopefully not scared her too much but 2) I do freak out about stuff; but 3) we need to talk about Jaime Lannister ... ;) On the plus side, I don't tend to update very often! ::crosses fingers and hopes for the best::

[witling.livejournal.com]

Ah, chica. You sound tired and drained. Take some time off, put your feet up, watch Shanghai Knights. eliade ran it down, but hey, it's still Owen! And you know there's nothing but good in Owen.

The signature is sloppy because he was so nervous, trying to get his nerve up to ask you out for a coffee. In the end, he couldn't make his mouth form the words and had to watch you walk away. Hating himself. Thinking, I'm so damn glib and gladhandy when it's producers and directors and supermodels...why can't I talk when it matters?

I feel sorry for him, really. Poor guy.

[cindergal.livejournal.com]

Do what you have to do, Laura. Your plate is pretty full - but I'll miss you. Maybe you just need a little break, and I'm hoping the kerfuffles die down once people have the actual episodes to talk about. Hoping, not expecting. :-)

[claudia-yvr.livejournal.com]

I was offline much of the past week because I was out of town, and I have to say I was appalled by some of the nastiness that took place - to the point I strongly considered deleting my own journal. Plus, like you, my time is going to be very tight in the fall, since Internet usage will soon be tracked at the office.

Your approach sounds like a good one, and I'm going to try it myself. I really love this community and would hate to walk away entirely.

BTW, I'm still searching high and low for my own copy of Simply Heavenly (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/093210407X/qid=1062701252/sr=1-3/ref=sr_1_3/002-3351390-2235203?v=glance&s=books), but am happy to report I can borrow this amazing cookbook from the local library in the meantime :-)

[ww1614.livejournal.com]

Hugs, Laura. I guess if I come to NY this fall, you won't have time to visit. ;) Seriously, though, let us know what books you have to read. *cough*Englishprofessor*cough* You will of course have to read everything eventually *stern look*, but don't underestimate the importance of short cuts and people guiding you in the right direction or helping you look knowledgeable in class.

I hope you took me off your friends list because I am boring and a waste of time. ;) But I will continue to read you!

[paratti.livejournal.com]

::Hugs::
You have to take care of yourself first. Especially with that workload. Do what's best for you, petal.

[elz.livejournal.com]

I'll miss you if you decide to cut back; hopefully things will get better around here soon, and it'll at least be more fun when you have time to check in. Good luck with school!

[shadowlass.livejournal.com]

*rubs Laura's neck soothingly*

*cons someone into rubbing Laura's feet*

[onetwomany.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: I'll certainly miss your comments and all, but I understand. Do what's right by you. :)

And that is sure a lot of work. That would probably have been my workload all my classes for the semester!

[buffyx.livejournal.com]

I agree, the kerfuffles are spiralling out of control.

I hope your classes are going well-- sounds incredibly tough, but I bet you'll be able to handle it! *sending good vibes your way* :-)

[wickedprincess3.livejournal.com]

You have my sympathies :) Do what's best for you. *hugs*

[ascian3.livejournal.com]

I rarely comment (okay, probably never comment) but I just wanted to delurk for a second and say a big giant thank you, for making time in a hellacious schedule to provide the community service that is all.about.spike. :-)

I do the work/school thing too (in about the same ratio), and I can't imagine where the time comes from to keep the website going also. I am in awe. But I hope you can find a satisfactory way to balance out the stress levels in your life without retreating from LJ entirely. You'd be missed. :-)

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

::picks up where shadowlass leaves off::

We'll be here, no matter what, Laura.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the whole angst because of LJ. I understand your troubles; being less of a BNF, of course, I'm not likely to have too many of my comments misinterpreted, but I don't doubt it hurts like hell. As always, I offer you virtual hugs, love your thoughts, and really wish you all the best and less stress. Reading your thoughts on this whole mess just cemented my impression that things have really gone a bit awry...
Now, I still hope that everything will cool down come October, what with a whole new season of Angel for everybody to sink their teeth into-- quite a change after tearing each other apart, I imagine, but the transfer will, hopefully, work out.
And Laura, please, don't leave us. Unfriend me...honestly, it's alright if you don't have the time and energy to read my entries-- if you just stay with us. & :-)