(no subject)

[rusty_halo]

I got woken a half hour early today because of jackhammers. Jackhammers! Right outside my building. I was thinking (as I held the pillow uselessly over my ears) that if I went outside and killed the construction workers, I could probably get off on temporary insanity. On account of being driven insane by jackhammers at eight in the morning.

That was a crappy way to wake up.

London Hellmouth got recommended on BBF. Yay! If you had trouble getting to it yesterday, it should be working fine now, so check it out. Wonderful story.

Also, Carolyn Claire's Thirst completely kicks ass as well. Spike/Xander, post-Gift, very creepy and sexy. She does a really wonderful job of creating a place and an atmosphere and a mood ... you really have to read it to get what I mean.

I have so much wonderful stuff to archive right now; did I mention how glad I am that Spike's on Angel? But I'm spacing it out, because if I archive everything at once, some stories will slip through unnoticed. So ... going slow. (If you're waiting for me to archive something, that's why it might take a little while.) I wonder if I archived too many long stories at once in the last few days ... is it too much to read? (For those who usually read a lot of what I archive.) Just curious if anyone has an opinion. I worry about these things.

Also, deborahmm has some interesting thoughts here on the kink thing, inspired by posts by eliade and thebratqueen. I don't entirely agree with deborahmm's view of Spike (though I do agree with a lot of what she said). Her post is interesting because I've been thinking about a lot of the same things lately, too. eliade and thebratqueen have both been posting very wonderful stories recently that don't turn me on at all, because they both hit what is, basically, my anti-kink. (Has nothing to do with the quality of their writing or anything like that, so no offense intended.) But basically, my anti-kink (something I can't enjoy no matter how well it's written) is a character having little sense of self that they want to let someone else have complete control over them. Like the idea of Spike (or Wesley) as whoever's "pet" just creeps me out completely, regardless of whether the "pet owner" is affectionate or cruel.

What's interesting to me is that there's such a fine line between kink and anti-kink for me. Because I totally think Spike is love's bitch, he needs his lover to to be the powerful one in the relationship (which was very true of Dru and Buffy; without that, he'll have no respect for them, as with Harmony). But Spike's also got a very strong sense of self (a lot of insecurity, but still a strong sense of self). When he wants something, he's not going to roll over and give it up. He'll always struggle, and he'll never let himself be totally dominated. He'll be in the submissive role because he likes it and needs it, but it's never total. (Like, even when he's totally in love with Dru and does her bidding most of the time, when he feels that she's lingering too much over Angel, he'll go behind her back and make a deal with the Slayer.)

So, I guess one way to explain the difference is, say there's a Spike/Angel story where the point is that Spike breaks and totally gives in to Angel. That's squicky. But say there's a story where Angel is still the powerful one, but Spike struggles and never stops snarking and demanding. He never totally gives in or accepts the situation. That's good. Or, something similar: Intervention totally hits a kink in a similar way. It's not romantic, but I just love how, even when he's being horribly tortured, Spike's making fun of Glory's hair and her big ass and completely refusing to give in at all. Whereas if he gave up and broke, it would just be sad and depressing.

Anyway, just some vague ideas. I wouldn't usually talk about kinks or any of that, because I'm horribly repressed. (Yes, I read gay vampire porn regularly and still manage to be horribly repressed. Not quite sure how that works.) But it's an interesting topic and deborahmm has a view similar to mine, so I figured I'd attempt to articulate my thoughts. Though my views may change later as this is probably the first time I've made any attempt to articulate them at all.

Comments

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

I should've been more clear; I didn't mean to imply that the two always go together. That's why I added the "no sense of self" part, because I can see how someone would choose to be submissive, and that doesn't bother me quite so much. It's when someone is so broken or so lacking a sense of self that they just let or want someone else to totally control them.

I stopped reading Pet pretty quickly, and what bothered me wasn't the Spike part. It was Angel ordering Wesley around, I think in part 2; it just totally and completely squicked me. Reading it, I wanted to beat Angel's face in. I just hated it. It was totally an emotional reaction, and in writing this I was sort of trying to figure out why that is.

I can't imagine myself ever doing that or ever letting someone else do that to me, and if someone tried to do that to me, I'd never ever submit. But then, I've always had issues with authority, too; I'll do what someone says if I approve of it and understand why. But I'll never, ever blindly do something just because someone else tells me to, and I get really squicked when people blindly follow orders.

I think people always, always have to question what others tell them to do; it's essential that they make their own choices based on their own ethics and not follow unless it's something that they understand and accept. I just see this type of behavior leading to peer pressure, bullying, ostracizing people who are different, watching others be persecuted and not speaking out. Watching horrible and wrong things happen and not doing anything about it because you don't question. Maybe my squick is really people obeying without questioning. And one of the things I love about Spike is that he always questions, even when he's totally in love he questions his lover when he thinks she is deluding herself of making a mistake. If you take that away, you take away something that I love most about him--his refusal to blindly follow. (And I think part of the reason I dislike Angel is that he expects people to blindly follow him, and he tends to blindly follow others. He bows to fate whereas Spike challenges it.)

Eh. See, it's totally personal. I don't think there's anything wrong with people who enjoy reading it, and they probably like it for different reasons than the reasons I dislike it. I'm just trying to figure out why it bothers me so much. I didn't mean to make any assumptions, as I'm the first to admit I'm completely clueless about the whole dominance/submission thing; it's very foreign to my experience and way of thinking.