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rusty_haloBest Valentine's Day cards ever.
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jaydk came over yesterday for an evening of very bad TV:
Torchwood 2x05
* It's "Superstar"! I liked Jonathan better.
* "Superstar" mixed with "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"? Apparently they just shuffle up old Buffy scripts and mix them with slash fanfiction to make Torchwood.
* And this one's got a dash of Dark City thrown in. Was that Ianto serial-killer bit tacked on or what? We already know the dude can do over-the-top wibbling, and they didn't go anywhere else with it.
* I'm amused that they're doing a Mary Sue episode right before the return of Martha Sue.
* LOL, Ianto remembers that Lisa existed. Funny how he forgets that JACK FED HER TO A PTERODACTYL.
* I feel so bad for Rhys. He's like a decent, sane human trapped in morass of crazy stupid people.
*jaydk thinks Owen is cute as a nerd. I still think he looks like a hideous purple-lipped frog creature.
* OH MY GOD TOSH STOP BEING SO PATHETIC. Is she purposely trying to punish herself by falling for the nastiest person on the planet? Please grow some self-esteem. You are way hotter than the frog creature, Tosh.
* Ianto keeps a diary. This amuses me. Yep, he totally would. I'm sure he draws Jack's name with hearts around it, too.
* Jack grew up on Tatooine? I wonder if they purposely hired a child actor who's just as awkwardly over-the-top bad as John Barrowman. I love the Boeshane Peninsula reference; just keep rubbing it in and making the fangirls cry. Jack's going to end up as a giant ugly head in a jar! >:)
* Jack as benevolent father figure to the gang? Jack, you will never be the Doctor. The Doctor doesn't solve every problem by shooting it! Just stop already.
* Jack LETS ADAM INTO HIS MIND. I know I'm overusing capslock here but JACK LETS ADAM INTO HIS MIND! Right after telling him that he's about to wipe him from existence! Knowing that this is the same guy who gleefully put serial killer memories into Ianto!
* Jack gives up precious memories in order to vanquish Adam. Because it wouldn't be Torchwood if they didn't make noble sacrifices for NO GOOD REASON. And have the most nihilistic ending possible. I mean, Jack doesn't even try to solve it another way?
* All in all, this was a return to the good old days of season one, when there was absolutely nothing to do with this show but throw up your strongest snark defenses and try to keep your brains from melting right out of your skull.
Torchwood 2x06
* BWAHAHAHAHA THE DOCTOR GOT MARTHA HER JOB. Oh my god I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing.jaydk and I cracked up about this all night. HE NEVER EVER THANKED HER OR APPRECIATED HER--except all those times he thanked her and hugged her and appreciated her and OH YEAH GOT A JOB FOR HER.
So I can't wait to see how the anti-Doctor people spin this. It's proof that er... he hates her because he's trying to put her in dangerous situations? Just wants to be rid of her by keeping her occupied elsewhere? No, wait, I know! It's proof that the writers are misogynist racists because the black woman only got her job due to the white man vouching for her! Never mind that she *just* graduated from medical school and by all means should have had to work her way up just like anyone else.
Rose didn't need the Doctor calling in favors to get a job at AU Torchwood! *falls over laughing*
* Naturally, everyone immediately loves Martha Sue. And she's a better doctor than Owen, of course! But he can't help himself from falling for her anyway because SHE'S JUST SO DAMN AWESOME. This like a textbook on "how to write a Mary Sue."
* Freema Agyeman: still just the one facial expression. Maybe some day she could try *not* smirking?
* Martha WALKED THE EARTH. She SAVED THE WORLD. Did you miss it? Don't worry, we'll remind you every 15 seconds, just in case for a moment you forgot that MARTHA SUE WALKED THE EARTH AND SAVED THE WORLD!!!!1111!11!!!11!
* Gwen has absolutely nothing to do in this episode. Martha Sue's completely co-opted her part. (And I don't think Gwen is a Mary Sue--she's got multiple dimensions--but I guess the writers couldn't fit them both in simultaneously? I think they just took a pre-written script, gave Martha Gwen's part, and threw in some medical jargon.)
If I were a Torchwood fan I'd be seriously pissed about Martha Sue marching in and parading her awesomeness while the regulars are sent to the sidelines.
* Jack made a Master reference! Only good thing about the entire episode. Well, that and the Blon Slitheen photo. Though unfortunately it reminds me that the inanity of Torchwood continues to exist in the same universe as the awesome things in Doctor Who.
* Martha's got a magical super mutated immune system! Could she possibly be more of a textbook Mary Sue?
* I feel bad for the giant alien bug thing. Gwen's giving it the big sad-eyed compassionate expression, which means it is soon to die.
* Yep, dead. The Pharm: We experiment on aliens in order to help humans. Torchwood: WE KILL ALIENS DEAD. I fail to see the moral superiority of Torchwood here. Notice it never occurs to them to rescue the alien test subjects. Has Jack completely forgotten that the entire reason he's trying to be such a good guy is that he was inspired BY AN ALIEN?
It brings back bad memories of the Buffyverse and how they'd throw in three-dimensional demon characters that you'd grow fond of, but then they'd always go back to that WE KILL DEMONS thing and act like the moral ambiguity wasn't there, and Spike and Anya were lesser beings whose feelings didn't count.
* Bwahahaha, Martha running around undercover while wearing heels. I guess they feel obligated to play up her looks since it's the ONLY THING this actress has going for her.
* Martha Sue really sucks at being undercover. It's a lot harder without a perception filter and a magical space-hopping wrist strap, isn't it, Martha? Maybe UNIT shouldn't be hiring inexperienced people just out of school based on suggestions from insane time traveling aliens? Or is Torchwood's incompetence contagious? Martha caught it within a day.
I like that Jack's confidence is misplaced and the team has to burst in and save her. I'm amused that Owen's known her for twelve hours and already adores her (again with the textbook examples of How to Write a Mary Sue). Oh, and Martha gets Owen killed. Hee! I'm pleased that her Triumphant Return is undercut by his Tragic Death.
* Is Owen really dead? PLEASE LET OWEN BE DEAD. If I never have to look at those frog lips again it will be too soon.
Ashes to Ashes 1x01
* I've had The A-Team theme song stuck in my head all morning. Fuck you, Ashes to Ashes.
* It's like the Beastie Boys' Sabotage video, only with 80s cop shows instead of 70s, and they seem to expect you to take the characters somewhat seriously. Either do a goofy pastiche or do a serious show, but you're undercutting everything by trying to do both.
* It's like the Disney version of Life on Mars. Exaggerate all the over-the-top surface characteristics and completely cut out the heart and soul.
* Gee, I wonder why Sam didn't arrive in 1973 dressed as a prostitute. Can we say exploitation much? It just screams "Hey male demographic, never fear! Don't be threatened by the female lead; just ogle her half dressed form and focus on the real hero, Gene Hunt."
* I'd like Alex so much better if she actually stood up to Gene as an equal instead of letting him um GROPE HER and keeping her mouth shut while he makes sexist remarks.
* Gene is a completely cleaned up goody goody version of himself. Did they forget that on Life on Mars he was frequently the antagonist? Way to totally erase everything that made his character interesting. This is more like a parody version of Gene Hunt than the actual Gene Hunt.
* So if Gene represented Sam's id, what does Gene represent to Alex? Apparently that she wants a big strong Manly Man to swoop in and save her?
* I miss the moral ambiguity and darkness and sepia tones and Sam's genuine sense of aloneness and terror.
* Two things I liked: the 80s computer font at the end, and Gene getting drunk while brooding over his Sam shrine.
* Conclusion: lame, offensive, gross, and I will not sully my brain with another episode of this drivel.
jaydk, am I forgetting anything? As much as it all sucked, at least we had a lot of fun laughing at it.
[Cross-posted to InsaneJournal]
jaydk came over yesterday for an evening of very bad TV:Torchwood 2x05
* It's "Superstar"! I liked Jonathan better.
* "Superstar" mixed with "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"? Apparently they just shuffle up old Buffy scripts and mix them with slash fanfiction to make Torchwood.
* And this one's got a dash of Dark City thrown in. Was that Ianto serial-killer bit tacked on or what? We already know the dude can do over-the-top wibbling, and they didn't go anywhere else with it.
* I'm amused that they're doing a Mary Sue episode right before the return of Martha Sue.
* LOL, Ianto remembers that Lisa existed. Funny how he forgets that JACK FED HER TO A PTERODACTYL.
* I feel so bad for Rhys. He's like a decent, sane human trapped in morass of crazy stupid people.
*
jaydk thinks Owen is cute as a nerd. I still think he looks like a hideous purple-lipped frog creature.* OH MY GOD TOSH STOP BEING SO PATHETIC. Is she purposely trying to punish herself by falling for the nastiest person on the planet? Please grow some self-esteem. You are way hotter than the frog creature, Tosh.
* Ianto keeps a diary. This amuses me. Yep, he totally would. I'm sure he draws Jack's name with hearts around it, too.
* Jack grew up on Tatooine? I wonder if they purposely hired a child actor who's just as awkwardly over-the-top bad as John Barrowman. I love the Boeshane Peninsula reference; just keep rubbing it in and making the fangirls cry. Jack's going to end up as a giant ugly head in a jar! >:)
* Jack as benevolent father figure to the gang? Jack, you will never be the Doctor. The Doctor doesn't solve every problem by shooting it! Just stop already.
* Jack LETS ADAM INTO HIS MIND. I know I'm overusing capslock here but JACK LETS ADAM INTO HIS MIND! Right after telling him that he's about to wipe him from existence! Knowing that this is the same guy who gleefully put serial killer memories into Ianto!
* Jack gives up precious memories in order to vanquish Adam. Because it wouldn't be Torchwood if they didn't make noble sacrifices for NO GOOD REASON. And have the most nihilistic ending possible. I mean, Jack doesn't even try to solve it another way?
* All in all, this was a return to the good old days of season one, when there was absolutely nothing to do with this show but throw up your strongest snark defenses and try to keep your brains from melting right out of your skull.
Torchwood 2x06
* BWAHAHAHAHA THE DOCTOR GOT MARTHA HER JOB. Oh my god I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing.
jaydk and I cracked up about this all night. HE NEVER EVER THANKED HER OR APPRECIATED HER--except all those times he thanked her and hugged her and appreciated her and OH YEAH GOT A JOB FOR HER.So I can't wait to see how the anti-Doctor people spin this. It's proof that er... he hates her because he's trying to put her in dangerous situations? Just wants to be rid of her by keeping her occupied elsewhere? No, wait, I know! It's proof that the writers are misogynist racists because the black woman only got her job due to the white man vouching for her! Never mind that she *just* graduated from medical school and by all means should have had to work her way up just like anyone else.
Rose didn't need the Doctor calling in favors to get a job at AU Torchwood! *falls over laughing*
* Naturally, everyone immediately loves Martha Sue. And she's a better doctor than Owen, of course! But he can't help himself from falling for her anyway because SHE'S JUST SO DAMN AWESOME. This like a textbook on "how to write a Mary Sue."
* Freema Agyeman: still just the one facial expression. Maybe some day she could try *not* smirking?
* Martha WALKED THE EARTH. She SAVED THE WORLD. Did you miss it? Don't worry, we'll remind you every 15 seconds, just in case for a moment you forgot that MARTHA SUE WALKED THE EARTH AND SAVED THE WORLD!!!!1111!11!!!11!
* Gwen has absolutely nothing to do in this episode. Martha Sue's completely co-opted her part. (And I don't think Gwen is a Mary Sue--she's got multiple dimensions--but I guess the writers couldn't fit them both in simultaneously? I think they just took a pre-written script, gave Martha Gwen's part, and threw in some medical jargon.)
If I were a Torchwood fan I'd be seriously pissed about Martha Sue marching in and parading her awesomeness while the regulars are sent to the sidelines.
* Jack made a Master reference! Only good thing about the entire episode. Well, that and the Blon Slitheen photo. Though unfortunately it reminds me that the inanity of Torchwood continues to exist in the same universe as the awesome things in Doctor Who.
* Martha's got a magical super mutated immune system! Could she possibly be more of a textbook Mary Sue?
* I feel bad for the giant alien bug thing. Gwen's giving it the big sad-eyed compassionate expression, which means it is soon to die.
* Yep, dead. The Pharm: We experiment on aliens in order to help humans. Torchwood: WE KILL ALIENS DEAD. I fail to see the moral superiority of Torchwood here. Notice it never occurs to them to rescue the alien test subjects. Has Jack completely forgotten that the entire reason he's trying to be such a good guy is that he was inspired BY AN ALIEN?
It brings back bad memories of the Buffyverse and how they'd throw in three-dimensional demon characters that you'd grow fond of, but then they'd always go back to that WE KILL DEMONS thing and act like the moral ambiguity wasn't there, and Spike and Anya were lesser beings whose feelings didn't count.
* Bwahahaha, Martha running around undercover while wearing heels. I guess they feel obligated to play up her looks since it's the ONLY THING this actress has going for her.
* Martha Sue really sucks at being undercover. It's a lot harder without a perception filter and a magical space-hopping wrist strap, isn't it, Martha? Maybe UNIT shouldn't be hiring inexperienced people just out of school based on suggestions from insane time traveling aliens? Or is Torchwood's incompetence contagious? Martha caught it within a day.
I like that Jack's confidence is misplaced and the team has to burst in and save her. I'm amused that Owen's known her for twelve hours and already adores her (again with the textbook examples of How to Write a Mary Sue). Oh, and Martha gets Owen killed. Hee! I'm pleased that her Triumphant Return is undercut by his Tragic Death.
* Is Owen really dead? PLEASE LET OWEN BE DEAD. If I never have to look at those frog lips again it will be too soon.
Ashes to Ashes 1x01
* I've had The A-Team theme song stuck in my head all morning. Fuck you, Ashes to Ashes.
* It's like the Beastie Boys' Sabotage video, only with 80s cop shows instead of 70s, and they seem to expect you to take the characters somewhat seriously. Either do a goofy pastiche or do a serious show, but you're undercutting everything by trying to do both.
* It's like the Disney version of Life on Mars. Exaggerate all the over-the-top surface characteristics and completely cut out the heart and soul.
* Gee, I wonder why Sam didn't arrive in 1973 dressed as a prostitute. Can we say exploitation much? It just screams "Hey male demographic, never fear! Don't be threatened by the female lead; just ogle her half dressed form and focus on the real hero, Gene Hunt."
* I'd like Alex so much better if she actually stood up to Gene as an equal instead of letting him um GROPE HER and keeping her mouth shut while he makes sexist remarks.
* Gene is a completely cleaned up goody goody version of himself. Did they forget that on Life on Mars he was frequently the antagonist? Way to totally erase everything that made his character interesting. This is more like a parody version of Gene Hunt than the actual Gene Hunt.
* So if Gene represented Sam's id, what does Gene represent to Alex? Apparently that she wants a big strong Manly Man to swoop in and save her?
* I miss the moral ambiguity and darkness and sepia tones and Sam's genuine sense of aloneness and terror.
* Two things I liked: the 80s computer font at the end, and Gene getting drunk while brooding over his Sam shrine.
* Conclusion: lame, offensive, gross, and I will not sully my brain with another episode of this drivel.
jaydk, am I forgetting anything? As much as it all sucked, at least we had a lot of fun laughing at it.[Cross-posted to InsaneJournal]
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Date: 2008-02-16 12:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-19 06:05 pm (UTC)My new theory is that Ashes to Ashes is an unintentional attempt to illustrate the concept of the "male gaze" in action. >:(