I get so emotionally invested in things where I am irrelevant and invisible.

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been as emotionally invested in something going on in my own life as I get with fandoms.

I’ve tried making fandoms into my life, but that has never really worked. I am always on the outside, trying to be somewhere where there is no need for me to be.

I guess the alternative is to organically live life in a way that isn’t oriented around fandoms? So that I can emotionally engage with real things where I might have an actual role to play?

“Be yourself” and “follow your heart” has always led me to fandoms, though. Is that wrong?

I find it hard to believe I will somehow find an engaging life by forcing myself to do stuff I don’t want to do, because I’d rather be at home reading Loki fanfic or staring at Sleep No More actors from a balcony.

I should try doing something creative and social. Where there are straight men around. But what?

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

Some people talk about their Sleep No More visits being followed by an immediate crash. I don’t have that – I usually get about a week of euphoria afterward. The crash from last Monday is just hitting me now on Sunday night. I miss it there.

I realized my attendance count is off.

Last time I checked, I counted 13 cards and 13 entries in my order history at, so I assumed I’d been 13 times, despite a mysterious mental count of 14.

But last night I remembered that one time I went in without a card, because I lost track of time drinking at Gallow Green and was rushed in late. (Nice lady just handed me a mask and sent me in without checking my ticket or anything.)

And one time I bought a ticket which wouldn’t show in my order history, because I got in on a waitlist to a special night (I think Remixed) and they asked for my credit card via email, which is dangerous, so I called and gave it to them over the phone.

So my mental count of 14 back then was right … which means I’ve been 17 times now.

And I already have 18, 19, 20, and 21 booked. :)

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

I’ve been reading Valerie’s original fiction. She was so talented. I wish I’d told her how much I admired her.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

[info]talula728: The Valerie Lewis Memorial Award for Excellence in Creative Writing:

As a tribute, we have set up The Valerie Lewis Memorial Award for Excellence in Creative Writing. In this way, her life’s work and her influence on her students can continue. Checks can be made out to Mercy College, memo: Valerie Lewis Memorial Award and mailed to Mercy College, English Program, English Program, c/o Frances Biscoglio, 555 Broadway, Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522. This information will be in her obituary but I have had so many people asking if there’s something they can and so wanted to get this information out there. I am so proud of my sister for always doing the work she loved and teaching with the same enthusiasm and uniqueness of her character. She never gave up on a student and she was always so excited when they made progress and began to share her love for writing. I know this award can never replace her impact on future students, but I hope in some small way it keeps her influence in this world. Please pass this on to others as you can.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.


Jan. 26th, 2013 01:29 am

[info]talula728 posted that her sister [info]valerie_z has passed away.

I am heartbroken. Valerie was one of my favorite people in fandom. I met her because I archived some of her stories on my Spike fanfiction archive. We only met in person once, but I loved knowing her online.

I remember reading her story “Super Food World” out loud to my mother, a decade ago, because I thought it was so funny and moving and wanted to share how much I loved it. We hadn’t interacted much in the past few years, but I always read her posts. She was so smart, talented, funny, and honest.

I will miss her so much.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

I had no idea that Duncan Jones left a comment on AO3 – so cool!

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

[X-posted to tumblr]

I went to Then She Fell Friday night, which is an immersive theater experience similar to Sleep No More. I’d like to review it on its own merits, but honestly I didn’t think it was all that interesting on its own, so I’m going to compare it to Sleep No More. (Every other audience member I spoke to was also there because Sleep No More had pinged their interest.)

Then She Fell was smaller on every level – audience (15 people), cast, space, time (2 hours), detail, diversity of content and theme. Well, except cost – a Friday evening Then She Fell cost $10 more than a Friday evening Sleep No More. :P

Not to be too negative – I can definitely see why some people would prefer Then She Fell. It is:

* Much more controlled. You are always guided through the space, so you see everything you’re supposed to see, and there’s no risk of missing major scenes. There’s also no fighting through crowds or peering over heads. And no anxiety over where to go, or fear that you’re missing something.

* Much safer. No running up and down stairs. Minor amounts of walking. Frequent opportunities to sit.

* Guarantees you a couple of drinks and some candy. (The wine and tea were excellent; I didn’t eat any of the food since it probably wasn’t vegan.)

* Largely a series of one-on-ones. You also have opportunities to speak to the characters and show off your own witty repartee if you desire. (I find this unpleasant, but I know extrovert friends who hated the enforced silence of Sleep No More.)

* You don’t have to wear a mask.

* There were a few things I thought were done quite well (though they’d have had a greater impact if I hadn’t already seen similar things in Sleep No More). The use of one-way mirrors was extensive and creative. The woman playing the Mad Hatter, Elizabeth Carena, was fabulous, and I immediately found myself looking forward to her scenes. The mad tea party, with the audience participating, was fun.

So that said, here’s why I love Sleep No More a zillion times better:

Read more... )

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

I made a few:

1) Minimize travel. I’ll probably have to do a work travel thing and I might do one holiday (either somewhere on a beach or if Tom Hiddleston does theater anywhere in the world, I’m there). Otherwise I need to save my time and money for my cats, who are not young.

2) Make it an expected part of my routine to exercise a half hour every day.

3) Eat out less. It’s stupid to gain weight and lose money eating food I don’t even like.

4) Stand up straight. I’m starting to hunch like an old lady. :(

5) Work less. There is no point killing myself in a job I hate. Look for opportunities to do something I wouldn’t hate, some kind of something that involves creativity and art.

6) Put myself out there more. Post online. Talk to people in person. There is no guarantee that people will listen to me when I talk, but there is a guarantee that no one will listen to me if I don’t talk.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

Last night was amazing. I am officially going to every single Sleep No More party in the future.

From the Royal Huntsman’s Ball, aka last night’s New Years’ party:

Opening dance:

(link in case embed doesn’t work)

Midnight countdown:

(link in case embed doesn’t work)

Also photo gallery in which you may happen to notice me lurking in a couple shots. Along with photos like this which, if it were possible to die from looking at photos of beautiful men, I would be dead.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

Wonderful Sleep No More cast last night.

I took my high school friend Mike to the late show as a combo holiday/birthday gift. As soon as I went in, I was in awe of our good luck at getting so many of my favorite cast members.

spoilers and long recap for Sleep No More )

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

How do you reply on tumblr?

Like I want to reply to franceskoncan’s comment on my post here.

Is it even possible?


(BTW I did install missing-e; thanks everyone who suggested it.)

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

I’m so spoiled by other fandoms. There’s effectively an unlimited amount of supplementary material for most media fandoms — between AO3 and Tumblr I could search search the “Loki” or “Dean Winchester” tags every day and never run out of new things. Sleep No More is a lot harder–unless you’re a millionaire who can actually afford to go to the show every night, you’re basically limited to a few Tumblr blogs.

So I end up revisiting a few things over and over. Here are some of my favorites:

cut for embedded videos )

Originally published at You can comment here or there.


Dec. 5th, 2012 02:42 am

I do not get Tumblr, you guys. I am struggling with basic things like:

* Finding the permalink to a post
* Figuring out the date something was posted
* Finding an archive of messages that have been sent to me–they disappear after I reply??

I work in online & am extremely technologically adept–the website just sucks. How is it so popular??


Originally published at You can comment here or there.

* Went to DragonCon in Atlanta.

* Went to Istanbul for the Dunnett Seige of Constantinople.

* Went to Las Vegas for work (ugh, ugh, ugh).

* Went to Rio to visit [info]chenanceou for Thanksgiving week–was so lovely to see her.

* Am now officially sick of traveling.

* Worked incessantly at an extreme level of stress. Achieved a major milestone in a project I’ve been working on for a very long time and got nothing but grief for it. Realizing that politics is more important than skill. Really, really stressed about that.

* Had a terrifying health scare with my cat Angel, which I don’t want to talk about. She is doing much better now. Sitting on my lap as I type.

* Fannishly: am trying to keep up with DW, LJ, and certain Tumblrs. Not succeeding. Occasionally reading Loki fanfic. Still haven’t watched this week’s episode of SPN.

* Listening to Nick Cave and Coil.

* Pretty much all my thinky thoughts are about work, because I’m there constantly and it’s what I spent all my time and energy on. Even almost all of my social relationships are with work people now. There’s a ton of meta I’d like to write about how office culture, about power, politics, image, the blurred line between personal and professional. About how I’m struggling to navigate it, what I’ve learned, what I’m stuck and can’t figure out.

I’m scared to write about it, even behind friends-lock, because this job is serious business and being found out would equal being fired. I really miss you guys and wish I could talk to you about it.

* I’m supposed to be working right now. (It’s 10pm on a Sunday). Time becomes so precious when you have so little of it. Fixing typos and editing my writing takes a backseat. But my inner grammar fanatic cries every time.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

My deepest sympathies to people are struggling because of Hurricane Sandy. I was very lucky:

* My power flickered but stayed on.

* My internet was only out for a day.

* My building is fine, although several buildings nearby had parts of their siding ripped off.

* My train (the L) still isn’t running, and my office was closed due to power outage all week, so I haven’t left my house for a week except to go to the local grocery store (which was missing a lot of stuff due to no deliveries, and is ridiculously expensive–like 30% costlier than Whole Foods–but it’s better than nothing).

* I worked from home all week.

* It’s amazing how much time and money you save when you don’t have to do your hair or makeup every day, or wear fancy clothes, or spend an hour on a train.

* My cats are very, very happy to have had mommy to themselves for a week.

* I’ve been eating well, losing weight, and saving money by cooking all my own food with no temptation to order from restaurants.

* I’ve been sleeping at least eight hours per night and exercising at least a half hour each day.

* I’ve kept my apartment ridiculously clean.

* I’ve been knocking off items that have been lingering on my to-do list for years, including digitizing old VHS tapes, listing stuff on ebay, and reading through old magazines so I can recycle them.

This luck will most likely run out tomorrow, as my office is finally open but the L isn’t running, so I’m going to try walking (25 minute walk) to the M train, which will undoubtedly be ridiculously crowded with everyone else who also would have been on the L train. I’m sure the miserable commute will also screw up all the healthy-lifestyle stuff I managed this week, but it was fun while it lasted.

Of course I’m still ridiculously lucky. My aunt and uncle in Scarsdale still don’t have power or hot water. My boss in midtown Manhattan had no power or any water at all for a week. My friend in Jersey City spent a week with no power, no internet, no cell service, and a 7pm daily curfew. Let alone all those people whose homes were destroyed, or who lost loved ones.

I don’t know how to explain how ridiculous this whole situation feels. New York City does not have tropical hurricanes. As if terrorism, crime, and massive inequality aren’t enough, now we have to worry about this, too? Hoping we’ll at least have some silver lining of politicians taking climate change more seriously, but I’m not holding my breath.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

It’s sad when you want to stay interested in a fandom, but the writers are doing everything in their power to push you away.

spoilers for Supernatural season whatever )

Anyway it's sad. There is not enough Loki fanfiction to keep me fully occupied with Avengers, but SPN is giving me nothing but annoyance.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.


Oct. 28th, 2012 11:52 pm

I am really not happy about this ridiculous megastorm that is about to hit us.

Hope everyone stays safe.

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

Loki might have been the most popular costume at DragonCon this year. It was really cool that 95% of the Lokis were cosplayed by women.

I have this whole theory about why Loki seems to be more popular among women, but instead of typing it up, here are pretty pictures I took instead:

Lokis at DragonCon )

Here's more DragonCon Lokis from tumblr:

Lady Loki/Male Loki
Lots of Lokis

And from flickr:

Many Lokis in a sea of superheroes
Lokis and Thors
Lokis and Thors (closeup)
Lokis and Thors (closeup)
Lokis and Thors (closeup)
Lokis and Thors (closeup)

Originally published at You can comment here or there.

I blog about fannish things. Busy with work so don't update often. Mirrored at

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